i'm losing it

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by dazzle11215, Jan 21, 2008.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    you know, a few hours ago i was so optimistic that i could beat this. i was in a "fighting" mood... so convinced that i knew what depression was trying to sneak into my thinking, feeding my doubts, my self-hate, my despair.

    but now i don't know. i had this crazy idea to write my friends and tell 'em what was going on and ask for their help in fighting this, and i heard such sweet things back from most. but one friend wrote back and told me to "snap out of it" ... and that one little comment has just dashed my hope. she's right, i should snap out of it. but i can't. i/m thinking that instead i should just go for it. it's not gonna be hard... i have everything i need right here with me.

    I'm just way too tired to argue with black cloud. Way too tired.
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    well it's morning now and i made it through another scary night. was really bugging out last night... total panic and despair but i just paced back and forth for hours, talking out loud to myself (yelling "do it" and "no f-ing way" - good thing i live alone! ) until i exhausted myself, and fell asleep around 6 am. these mood swings are frightening me, but thanks for letting me vent. again.
  3. Rawr

    Rawr Active Member

    Well done for making it through the night :smile:

    As for you freind, as she ever been through anything like this before?
    Everyone has differnt views on suicide.

    Are you getting help for these thoughts? You say your freinds care but is there one you can really talk to?
  4. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    thanks, i sometimes feel like i'm talking to myself here!

    i dunno if my friend has any experience with depression herself, or in her friends and family, but she's a very good friend and i was kinda crushed by her response.

    i am on the wait list for a therapist at the counselling center in town, and tonight i am going to a doctor to share how i'm feeling and find out about ohter options, like antidepressants. i'm freaking out, i'm so scared to tell an actual live person how horrible i feel, but i'm also desperate to fight this. it sounds bonkers, but as much as i want to die, i also want to live.
  5. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi dazzle. You have to try and be strong and keep fighting a good fight. Part of you wants to stay and part of you wants to go. I hope that the part of you that wants to live will win out in the end. I'm here if you need to talk.
  6. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Your friend may well have been scared witless and did what one of my friends' always does, the kind of "I'll bully you out of it" mode.
    On the face of it it doesn't seem very supportive and can actually feel like an attack, but I know she worries terribly and often feel impotent in the face of anothers depression.
    See the doc, write down what you want to say before going that way you can refer to 'notes' if you suddenly dry up or find the doc side tracking you.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.