you know, a few hours ago i was so optimistic that i could beat this. i was in a "fighting" mood... so convinced that i knew what depression was trying to sneak into my thinking, feeding my doubts, my self-hate, my despair. but now i don't know. i had this crazy idea to write my friends and tell 'em what was going on and ask for their help in fighting this, and i heard such sweet things back from most. but one friend wrote back and told me to "snap out of it" ... and that one little comment has just dashed my hope. she's right, i should snap out of it. but i can't. i/m thinking that instead i should just go for it. it's not gonna be hard... i have everything i need right here with me. I'm just way too tired to argue with black cloud. Way too tired.