Im losing it

[foreverhurricane]

I almost tried to kill myself friday morning and then I decided it wasnt a good idea. I was going to "take care of myself", and i was motivated. I dont want to take care of myself, I want to be sick. I caused my depression bc I wanted an excuse for my mistakes and I told myself I was worthless bc I felt guilty. I wasnt raped, it was my own fault, I was drinking and I got him to drink, yeah things got out of hand but i caused it. I am now feeling so guilty over all of the problems "my depression" caused that I want to hurt myself. If i tell my boyfriend I will end up taking more pills. I want to hurt myself and then Ill want to keep going and kill myself. I dont know if i want to die or need to die but I am losing control. I took my ADHD med this morning which is causing me to concentrate on the pain and aniexty rather then the 2 exams and 3 hw assignments due tmw.

Should i be depressed all day and take pills which would lead to suicidal feelings or should i get my ass in gear and do the fucking hw of which Im frustrated at myself for putting off. Someone help me out here Im sick of the same shit happening every DAY!

 

[foreverhurricane]

fuck it I cant catch up in school and everyone expects it of me anyways, sorry guys thanks for helping before

 

[Anime-Zodiac]

Hello Hurricane.

Try your best to catch up today, if you can't do anymore then explain to the teachers tomorrow that you couldn't finish the assignments in time, you don't have to tell them the truth as to why you couldn't finish the assignment. Anyways you could also ask them to give you some more time to finish them off.

It seems like you are not making any excuses up for yourself, you seemed to be reacting normally to an incident that had happened. Correct me if i'm wrong though. Perhaps your being hard on yourself.

 

[foreverhurricane]

I cant move from my apartment I cant do anything but take sleeping pills and waste more time and allows more work to pile up. I cant help but be hard on me because no one is giving me a break. I can only miss 4 days of class before it results in a failure. I cant stop this feeling. I need to go to sleep, I need it to stop. I need everything to stop. My parents are going to be so mad for me doing bad i cant stop it unless i put myself in the hospital so everyone understands. I want to die :-( I know that if i can survive 2 years of school everything will get easier and better. But I cant do it, its too much, its too hard. ....I cant

 

[frizziidizzle]

Hey there,

You need to talk to someone instead of feeling this way by yourself, talk to someone like a professional. What you have is a complicated issue. You should know it's not your fault, obviously you did what you did for a reason and it's the reason that needs to be helped not what you did.

Am here for you hun if you need me. :hug: I hope you get things sorted for you.

 

[foreverhurricane]

my "professional" told me to take heavy doses of xanax and some anti-psychotics in addition to everything else i take. She also "doesnt know of anything else to say but calm down". when i told her i was going to kill myself she said "no you arent", you know your seriously thinking about it when you make preparations (like hiding journals and personal writting and cleaning up and picking out something to wear) and consider multiple methods ( just in case one doesnt work). There are only 2 things stopping me, the amount of work i need to do to catch up and the number of days I have missed isnt impossible to fix, and I'm afraid Ill be able to regret it if I die.

 

[frizziidizzle]

Wow I am shocked, your pro' basically gave a check-list of what to do to be taken seriously when claiming you are going to commit suicide :huh:

Anyway, go the cinema, call a friend, go for a walk... Force yourself or you won't do it. You need to want to get better and most suicidal people don't want to.

 

[Acy]

Hey, there, foreverhurricane :hug:

Yeah, it can feel really overwhelming when we look at everything in a big picture way. First, maybe just "allowing" yourself some sleep would help. Second, when I have lots to do and feel stressed, making a schedule sometimes helps reduce the anxiety.

How about breaking all the things you have to do into smaller steps and making a schedule - block an hour or two at a time? And then, knowing you've got a schedule, get some sleep so you can keep to the schedule when you've had some rest?

If those things won't help, please remember that no matter what happens with school, you are going to be fine in the long term, hun. (Parents don't stay mad forever - besides, they'd actually be mad because they care and want the best for you. School courses can be taken again.) If you need to go to hospital for now to be safe, please go.

Do what is best for you right now. BTW, that does NOT include harming or offing yourself! I hope you feel better soon!

:hug:

 

[foreverhurricane]

My parents dont know im suicidal. If they knew theyd b pissed off and wouldnt talk to me. I tried to commit suicide so much in high school they told me it would be cheaper if i had died, and if i told them i was wanting to commit suicide they would say ok because they feel like theyve done all that they can do. I cant go to a mental hospital with people who dont know they have problems, a person who has PTSD doesnt belong it causes so much stress they can lose their sense of identity. If I dropped out of school I would loose my scholarship therefore id lose my apartment and my puppy and when i got out I would have to live with the people who caused the problems in the first place.

 

[Anime-Zodiac]

Well in that case you gotta make a short sacrifice. Spend as many hours you can on finishing your assignments, even get somebody who you know well and can trust to help you out. Like you indicated, if you can get through school then things will get easier for you.

 

[dazzle11215]

if you are are feeling really desperate, go to the ER. they can't turn you away and there is always a shrink there 24/7. at the hospital here (toronto) they have a short stay mental health unit where you can stay for up to 4 days, i have been in it. it gives you a break from your responsibilities and is a safe place to turn to in a crisis. you don't have to harm yourself in order to get a break .... you can always turn to the hospital.

 

[wastedmylife]

if you are are feeling really desperate, go to the ER. they can't turn you away and there is always a shrink there 24/7. at the hospital here (toronto) they have a short stay mental health unit where you can stay for up to 4 days, i have been in it. it gives you a break from your responsibilities and is a safe place to turn to in a crisis. you don't have to harm yourself in order to get a break .... you can always turn to the hospital.

damn do I wish I lived in Canada, I could have been saved, here in America you basically need health Insurance in order to use the programs, I actually showed up to a hospital once saying I was suicidal and going crazy and they more or less turned me away because I didnt have health Insurance, they made me sign something saying I wasnt going to kill myself so they couldnt be held responsible, I hate this country so much

 

[Oak]

damn do I wish I lived in Canada, I could have been saved, here in America you basically need health Insurance in order to use the programs, I actually showed up to a hospital once saying I was suicidal and going crazy and they more or less turned me away because I didnt have health Insurance, they made me sign something saying I wasnt going to kill myself so they couldnt be held responsible, I hate this country so much

Hun I wouldn't have signed that paper. If you were suicidal, it was and is their responasability to provide help either or not you have insurance. it is part of the constitution of rights. Hope you do get helped and if needed do return to the hospital and say that you will not sign the darn paper and see what they will do. That angers me so much to see someone in pain being turned down. I'm boiling so I better close now. I wish you all the best :hug:

stay save hun
lots of love and hugs
granny

 

[ToHelp]

my "professional" told me to take heavy doses of xanax and some anti-psychotics in addition to everything else i take. She also "doesnt know of anything else to say but calm down".

That is patently fucking ridiculous, Forever. It is deadly and anything but professional. She's not a certified or doctored anything is she? What is she a school counselor? She seriously needs to be releived of her job.

ToHelp

 

[ToHelp]

here in America you basically need health Insurance in order to use the programs, I actually showed up to a hospital once saying I was suicidal and going crazy and they more or less turned me away because I didnt have health Insurance, they made me sign something saying I wasnt going to kill myself so they couldnt be held responsible, I hate this country so much

This IS America for you. If you're rolled in conscious, then the first thing they do whilst stripping you of your clothes is locate your wallet so that 1) they can scan the goddamned thing; and 2) get you to scribble a fucking signature releasing them of all manner of liability.

The first order of busines is all about the future collection on bills and releasing them of liability.

But please understand, it's our national heathcare system that make this necessary.

Businesswise, these guys are just doing what hospital administration dictates because they'd go broke and have to (literally) close down if they didn't collect on cost.

This is where the debate on socialised medicine comes in, where ALL taxpayers contribute to saving the neediest and the poorest.

ToHelp