im losing my mind

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by oval, Dec 17, 2010.

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  1. oval

    oval Well-Known Member

    oh well here i am again.
    after my last thread i decided not to post any threads again bc i felt like i was getting so desperate and frustrated that i upset or maybe even offended others. i wanna apologize for it one more time. im an impulsive person and im so so stupid.
    im just so tired of life. im tired of not being able to live with myself. but yet i dont wanna change. im so scared of change. i see me getting worse and cant do anything about it.
    i feel like im losing my mind. two nights ago i had a blackout. i have no idea what i was doing. it feels like i cant conrtol myself anymore. i hear myself talk or do things but its not me doing it. it scares the shit out of me. (i dont have tourettes btw)
    im losing touch with reality more and more.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Sorry your feeling so poorly now is the time to call your doctor before things get worse okay. Call now get your meds adjusted or get new one but do it okay. Might as well you will feel better for it take care of YOU okay
  3. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Im sorry your feeling this way, I know I have felt this way to many times and it does make you feel like your a burden, like everyone is against you, like your all alone in this world of happy smilely people.

    Your not alone, I to offend when Im depressed, anger is one of my favorite personalities it seems. I dont mean it, and I feel guilty afterwards, but sometimes this disease takes over and I cant control it.

    Make amends and move past it, maybe next time you will be able to see what your doing before it happens.

    Im worried about the blackouts though, was you drinking or using?
  4. NoMoneyToPlease

    NoMoneyToPlease Banned Member

    You are okay with me.
    Your money is no good in this store.
    My fireside is open to you anytime.
    Don't fret. :)
  5. Decode

    Decode Well-Known Member

    Are you geting any support for this? I'm not sure where you are from but i have found here in the UK they are very supportive. If not please consider it, speak to your doctor.
  6. oval

    oval Well-Known Member

    thanks for the responses everyone :) they are much appreciated.
    @diy, i had a half glass of wine so i dont think it was that since i wasnt tipsy or anything.
    im just forgetting things recently. and it feels like the back of my head gets numb and someone else is acting for me. my mind really seems to take a break from time to time and it scares me.
    im not getting any medical help. and atm i cant for some reasons. (i live in germany)
    i dont even feel worthy of getting help. its like im at the bottom or the stairway and i cant make the first step. its so overwhelming that its pushing me down to the ground
    thanks for responding :)
  7. Raphael1

    Raphael1 Well-Known Member

    wow that's interesting. I wonder what this would be like. If you calm your thoughts and focus your attention more do you think you can ground yourself enough into a position where you once again feel you are in control and part of yourself, or at one with your thoughts and actions?
  8. victor

    victor Account Closed

    wtf? talk to me!..
  9. Decode

    Decode Well-Known Member

    You are worthy of help and it's their job to help you. I hope you try. Regards.
  10. oval

    oval Well-Known Member

    @ raphael, hmm well i still know what im saying but its like as if someone lese did the thinking and talking for me and im sitting there watching helplessly. the back of my head starts to get numb and i can only watch myself do things and hurt people. im actually scared of myself
    @ decode, i mostly feel that im not worthy of help. that my life is not worth anything and that its only getting worse. the though of depression, suffering and suicide is comforting at times :|
  11. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    that is scary, does multiple personalities run in the family? You deserve to get the help you need, the depression and all is playing tricks on your mind, not letting you see whats true. You are a person that has fallen on some hard times, we all do, it doesnt make you less of a person, it makes you human.

    Im in the US so not sure about why you cant get any help there, are there no resources or government agencies that can help you?

    That first step your talking about, well thats the hardest one, but once you get past that one the rest is an eaiser climb, still work but easier.

    What do you do to keep occupied? What type of job, hobbies, all that do you do? I know for me its all about keeping my mind busy and not giving in to the demons on my shoulders telling me this and that. Keep talking

    PM anytime
  12. oval

    oval Well-Known Member

    i honestly dont know as im not close to my family or whatevers left of it. no one tells each other anything so i really dont know :|
    recently im not doing anything. its even getting hard to talk at times. i cant move or do the easiest things that should get done. it takes me 4hrs to make myself eat something.
    i play guitar, drums and i paint and draw. least used to. now i cant do anything.
    im happy when i make it to thw grocery store 5min walking distance to get milk and stuff like that. the simple things overwhelm me so much
    i just wanna get away from everything so bad. and my "crazy" moments dont make life look much better either. im really all the way on the bottom
  13. Decode

    Decode Well-Known Member

    That could be a symtom of something bad. Whether you think you are worthy of help or not, it would be best to get that checked out. You don't have to accept their help, just find out whether you may need it. I hope you feel better soon.
  14. oval

    oval Well-Known Member

    thank you, thats a pretty good thing to say to make someone get help who doesnt want to do it. that actually got through to me. thank you
  15. oval

    oval Well-Known Member

    im getting so frustrated and desperate. i feel like an attention ***** for still going on about this. but i need to shout. im going freggin nuts and im so stupid i cant make my ass get help.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 17, 2010
  16. oval

    oval Well-Known Member

    i think i want to suffer. i want it to get worse and worse untill im unable to live in reality anymore. im so used to not being able to see anything. its dark around me. its like im trapped in a bubble and i just cant get out of it. but the thought of it getting worse is somehow comforting for me. yet it scares me bc of everything id leave behind
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