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I'm losing the ppl keeping me alive :(

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Well its that time of year, every1 is going to uni, but I'm not, I'm repeating the year at college cause i messed it up because of my depression getting in the way. Well all my friends are going, all my best friends, and they have helped me so much, and its because of them I'm alive, because they are round me to make me feel safe, to love me, and to hold me. And now their all going away, and I'll have no1. I'll lose contact with most of them, and when they come back in the hol's we wont have as much in common, and things will be different.
People have always told me that if anything live for us (your friends) so whats there to live for now, they rly were the only reason that I'm here. So their all leaving me, so I'm going to leave them too, there are things I have to do first, but ultimatly once they have settled in and started to forget me, thats it, I'm gunna go to hell. I mean I realise now that theres no reason I shouldnt, I'm sitting here with blood over my hands and wrist and want to cut more, so will be doing once I have finished. What a life! Causeing oneself more pain just to carry on living to then the next day cause more pain. Pointless if u ask me. :mad:
Please dont give up. Look how far YOU have come. Why give it all up now? YOU have done all this. You might think that it’s because your friends are there but they dont control you. Something inside of you must have triggered to want to get better. You can survive without them. Im not saying it will be easy at first but you can. Just because they are going away doesn’t mean you cant keep in touch with them. Myspace? msn? text and phone are all an option. Regular visits too. Just because you wont see them as much does not mean they will forget about you. You could make up a scrapbook of photos and little things. You can go visit them and a group can come down to where you are. Just because they can’t be there in person so often doesn’t mean you will be out their mind now. Of course it does not. You can cope on your own. You will make friends at college this year. This doesn’t mean your replacing you other ones - it just means you have friends to hang out with when the others are not around. There are still holidays and weekends so try not to worry about it. Like i said at the start, it is you that has come through all this. You have to take the first step not your friends. People can be there to support you, be behind you 110%, but it is you personally ho has to make the first step. You did this and you can do it again. You are a strong person so please dont give up. You can message me anytime. Please though taking your own life isn’t going to make them happy. If you cant be here for the sake of yourself think of them. Good luck.
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