A couple months ago i had this moment of complete spontaneous happiness. It was real happiness, GENUINE happiness. It just came out of nowhere. I wasn't doing anything of importance it just happened. It felt like everything was going to be okay. But I can't see that anymore, that moment felt so real and now I have that moment to compare it to everything else. I can now realize how everything is just so fake. This is probably around the time I started slowly going down hill. Going slowly down hill, is quite the understatement now, more like tumbling or running down that hill. My cuts are getting deeper, I don't care if people see my cuts anymore, and I have never felt so lonely then I do now. I have people to talk to, but they, I don't know how to explain. I know how much they truly care and its not enough. I just care about everyone so much, I will always be there for people, but its funny when I need a shoulder to cry on everyone is too busy to even say the words "Its going to be alright". Nothing is okay anymore, I'm not okay. I don't accept this anymore. I'm just getting so tired of everything. Tired, of pretending, caring, wishing, feeling, of talking. I just want to go back to that moment, and know everything will be okay. Because this burning I feel in these fresh cuts tells me otherwise, they are the only word I have to go on anymore. I'm drowning in my own screams. All I want to do is give in because, I know the reality of people turning around and seeing me, the real me. How damaged and broken and dead I am now, is just a dream I cling on to. Everyone is just so ignorant nowadays, why should i bother. Suicide is screaming my name and now one else is, I can't help but hear it.