I'm lost and depersonalized

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by bananas, Jan 13, 2014.

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  1. bananas

    bananas Member

    Today, somebody I loved very much left me. We used to have something very special once, but had been having a lot of problems lately.
    I'm horrified in the way he left. He left saying, and I quote,

    "remember, never come back or you will regret it
    that sounds so dark compared to good night, God bless but my God does not bless you"

    This left me shaken. I mean, I am distraught over him leaving, since I still love him and want him to get back to me, but I also feel completely damned and emotionally scarred.

    This is the worst possible way this could have ended.

    I don't know what to do.

    I have begged him to come back. I have begged him for forgiveness and compassion.

    I don't see how I'm going to deal with this if he doesn't come back.

    Any words of advice would be very appreciated.
  2. bananas

    bananas Member

    I'm asking about how to get this person back.
    I don't wanna lose him.

    What would you do?
  3. Kairo

    Kairo Well-Known Member

    It’s always difficult to give advice on relationships. No one could ever know your or his feelings as well as the both of you do. Maybe he needs space, for whatever reason. Perhaps you could write to him after a while with something heartfelt, letting him know how you feel and asking to have a conversation with him about your problems.
    But if he truly wants to end things, that is his choice and it may be something you have to come to terms with, even though it seems impossible.
    In any case, I hope you’re able to talk to him again. That would be a very dismal note to go out on.
    You can always talk to people here. :) good luck to you
  4. bananas

    bananas Member

    I know, it's a very, very dismal note to go out on. How does one even come to terms with that?
    He left with that, and some insults.

    I can see how frustrated he is, but seriously I have been so very very stressed out that I haven't been properly able to carry out what promises I made to him about fixing myself

    But that doesn't mean I won't fix them.

    This is haunting me and I cannot think properly.

    I think it'll probably haunt me forever, this guilt. His words.

    Also, I kinda made him my world and my everything. Always put him first. Cut out other people to spend more time with him. So now that he has left (which was what I had most feared) it feels like I have nothing else left.

    I hope he will get past the anger and give me yet another chance?

    Sorry I bang on too much

    And thank you so much for replying.
  5. Kairo

    Kairo Well-Known Member

    If he really cares about you I’m sure he’ll come around enough to at least give you some proper closer. Sometimes when a person you love is stressed and having problems it’s hard to know how to understand it. Perhaps anger was his response this time. I hope it is short-lived.
    But whatever happens, please don’t think you have nothing else left. This must be an incredibly tough time, but you can make it through. Take care of yourself
  6. bananas

    bananas Member

    Thank you so much. Your words are kind.
  7. bananas

    bananas Member

    There were many things and changes I was still coming to terms with, in all areas of life.
    I have never been good with change. And, thus, I stressed out very much.
    I do hope he will give me another chance, and not leave me feeling so damned.
  8. bananas

    bananas Member

    it's so difficult to just sit here and wait, with his words replaying in my head over and over again, his accusing, hateful stare i keep imagining in my head
    and this was someone who loved me passionately once. and cared so much for me.

    i can't deal with this.
  9. bananas

    bananas Member

    So, this person has not replied. In fact, he acts as if I don't exist, and doesn't seem to care.

    I have begged and begged and severely lowered myself in every aspect and I feel sick to the core. I don't know what to do. How can I get these things out of my head?

    Another thing is the extreme guilt I feel, mostly cause of the amount of blame this person put on me, which may be true. But I cannot live knowing he has made such a poor judgment of me

    I don't know how to deal with this, I really don't. I don't know how to come to terms with this and move on. It's extremely hard when this person is everywhere I see (metaphorically).

    I'm already sinking under all the stress I already had in my life, but this tops it all.

    Where do I go on from here, anyone know?
  10. bananas

    bananas Member

    I went to see a psychiatrist at my hospital about it. He talked and talked of plans and strategies to cope, but I felt like I took nothing in. Because all I want and can think of is getting this person back, to get them to forgive me and help me get my peace. I cannot forgive myself like this, I know that.

    I'm here in the hospital for a few days now. But it's not helping. Nothing is.
  11. Kairo

    Kairo Well-Known Member

    I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time bananas. I’m glad you sought help, even if you don’t feel it’s working, I’m happy people can try to be there for you. Maybe you can reach out to friends and family for support and advice if you already haven’t. I really hope things don’t end so callously between you two. Just remember that the person who deserves your attention the most is yourself, and no one should have to have someone else’s approval to feel at peace. If things start feeling even more stressful for you, perhaps you could start thinking about ways to get yourself to a place where you feel stable again without this person. I know that’s easier said than done.
    I wish you all the best, and please keep posting here if you feel it helps.
  12. S u r i

    S u r i Member

    I'm very sorry to hear about the difficulties life has thrown at you. But you've come to the right place. We're here to help you, and we hope you can come to terms with what's happened. Sometimes we're walking the path of life, and a wall suddenly appears in front of us. Getting over it or around it is never easy, but communication and expression can help with it.
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