Im lost i want her back and cant see the point without her

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ppppaaauul, Jun 11, 2007.

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  1. ppppaaauul

    ppppaaauul Member

    Where do i start, I was with my partner for seven years and we did everything together we were so close and i loved her so much. All my partner ever did was talk about the future: babies and marriage etc.

    We moved in together two years ago and for a year and a half everything was good but the last six months all we did was argue over silly things and whether it was all my fault or not i would always apologise and give in.

    I trusted my partner completely and never suspected anything when she said she was going to see her family or friends, but times when she said she was going round her mums i would get a call from her mum asking if she could speak to her which set me thinking things were not right but i believed her as i did not think she was capable of cheating or hurting me.

    She left me back in march and i heard that she was with someone else so i took an overdose with a bottle of vodka, i was unfortunately found by my dad and hospitalised. A few days later as i sat in the hospital i wondered whether she would come to visit me but she never came, i went back home a few days later and found that she had moved back and as i walked in the door she barely acknowledged me and it was like nothing happened I was hurt that she did not care but happy she was home.

    My were supportive but to be honest al i cared about was makin gher happy, she told me that if we argued again it was over and i agreed, i was on anti depressaants at this time and was pleased she was willing to give it a try.

    I woke up one day and asked her if she loved me and she said that she hasnt for the last two years to which i was crushed, i asked her if she knew what this was doing to me and she mocked my suicide attempt and said it was an attention seeking thing which crushed me. I stupidly said that it was over as i was so hurt and she accepted it very easily and moved her clothes to her mums.

    I then phoned a couple of hours later and asked if we could meet which we did a few times over the next few weeks and we were happy it wa just me and her, things were going well slowly and i then decided to buy her an engagement ring and book tickets to paris, one night he had stayed over at home again and she found a receipt for the ring and she cried she said to me why didnt you do this sooner to which i had no reply. I said to her i had plans if she wanted to come with me and she said yes take me away and propose to me i love you.

    We went to paris and i proposed to her we had a great night and she wore the ring all the way home and couldnt stop smiling and kissing me, i was so happy. We got home and she asked me to take her to her mums and to wait for her as she was going to get her clothes, i waited for nearly an hour and then rang them and was told that it was over by her mum she said that there has been someone else for nearly six months and that i should stop calling.

    I did not believe her mother so asked to speak to my partner and she confirmed that she had been seeing someone and doesnt love me anymore.

    Since then i dont know what to do ive lost my girl, my house, my job everything, i have sucidal thoughts constantly and just want the pain to stop. I have a mental health visitor coming to c me every second day but i dont want to talk i just want it all to stop.

    I dont know what i did wrong and have tried everything to get her back, i dont want to live without her and im constanly looking for a way out of this life, ive tried and failed before but am determined this time.

    All i know is that even if i got through this if im having these thoughts now theyre gonna keep coming out whenver things go wrong and i dont want to live like that. I bought a hosepipe, duct tape and prepared myself to die in my car yesterday but failed again but it just seems as though its only a matter of time
  2. sarahg

    sarahg Well-Known Member

    hi paul
    great to meet u 2day
    so sorry about ur circumstances
    we will be here to support u.
    hugs to u
    please pm me if need to ever
    my pattner left me in a nasty way
    hope i can help but i know i can be an ear to listen to
    hug to u
  3. Wonkey Toy

    Wonkey Toy Member

    I can understand what you are going through. Love is difficult but the problem you have is self esteem.

    In my average english I tell you this:

    You shouldn't let this girl treat you like this. You seem to be a wonderful person that all girls want to have. You will love again, you just need to heal and a relationship that ended has to be treated like a grief, so you need time.

    This girl has problems on her own, I wouldn't be surprised if she came back to make you suffer again and break up with you again.

    These are mind games. Some people don't care about others' emotions, example: when you atempted suicide...that proved she didn't love you but LIFE DOESN'T STOP HERE.

    After all this, I am sure you will find a girl, who will love you for who you are and who will not step on you.
    NO ONE DESERVES TO BE TREATED LIKE THIS, don't let people take you for granted because YOU ARE WORTH IT.

    You are a romantic, nice and gentle guy who deserves to be happy.

    hang in there and please stay with us, life would be ugly without you.

    take care
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 11, 2007
  4. ppppaaauul

    ppppaaauul Member

    i thought it best to update this post, the loneliness has worsened so ive bought my tools and wrote my note, i just hope people will forgive me and there is something other than this life for me.

    thanks to all that i talked to and good luck.
  5. WriteEnough

    WriteEnough Member

    im so sorry, mate. please make it through.
  6. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Paul, try to hang in there. Maybe she really wasn't the right girl for you. Better to find this out now than after you are married. Grieving a relationship is much like grieving a death. in a way it is a death. It is the death of life as you know it. You feel lost without her. The worst part is that it is difficult to find closure because you may run into her occasionally or hear things about her and what she is doing with her life. Please allow yourself the time to grieve this loss before making a decision that is so permanent. Suicide is an undoable mistake. Stay here and let us support you in the best way we know how. My thoughts are with you. :hug:
  7. I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through. A little while back, my long-term girlfriend dumped me suddenly and in a bad way (though not nearly as bad as what happened to you) and all I could think of was suicide.

    But there was another girl who really cared about me, and it was difficult but I brought myself to let her personally make me happy if she wanted to, and now I'm with her and it's great.

    Just, please keep fighting, keep going, because you will get that feeling again for someone new, maybe not for a while, but it will happen again, and it's absolutely worth it.
    And then you can look back on all this and shake your head, just feeling glad that you're done with all the shit that the old girl put you through.

    Good luck
  8. The situation which has happened to you, is absolutely horrible. I only know a fraction of your pain, and in itself, it was so bad, I nearly killed myself a few times. So, the pain you are suffering from in this situation, would destroy me, and I can imagine how the situation is hurting you. <mod edit: moonstar89 - questionable, seems to encourage suicide> You deserve to be happy, and I hope you find whatever will help you to be happy. Take care.
  9. ppppaaauul

    ppppaaauul Member

    I havent been on the site for a while as to be honest I was feeling better, i was visiting a therapist twice a week and had even started to see a girl i had met, I hadnt had any suicidal feelings the last couple of weeks atall.

    I received a text message yesterday from my ex out of the blue asking me to listen to track 9 on Kelly Rowlands new album, i thought nothing of it and just thought she was being horrible in some way, later that day i searched the web and found that the song was called "still in love with my ex", i stupidly listened to it and she has now asked me to meet with her tonight.

    After all the hard work and progress i felt i had made i feel im back to square 1 again, i know i obviously shouldnt go as she has hurt me more then anyone in my life but im scared as i so badly want to meet her as after listening to the song i miss her again and think i still love her.

    I was just hoping omeone might give me there pov from an outside perspective if they wouldnt mind, i know what i should do but its hard and any help would be appreciated.
  10. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    what your mind tells you u should do and what your heart says are 2 different things i lost a person that i loved and my head often told me i shouldnt keep going back and i could stay away for a while, but my heart was the more powerful and i would always end up going back i just couldn,t not
    I think u r the only person that can make that choice just keep in the forefront of your mind what she did to u and how it made u feel and if u do meet try if at all possible to have an open mind dont let your heart run away with you to quickly
    Thinking of u TC:hug:
  11. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Dawn is right. Keep in mind what she did to you but also be open minded about this all. If she wants to get back with you then you need to take things very slowly. If she truly cares then she will understand.
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