Hello, I am a 36y/o female from NY. Not sure exactly what brought me here, not really the type to "reach out". I guess I'm tired. A little about me...I don't particularly have a bad life. I have a professional job, I'm back in school. I also have good people in my life, good friends, great family. That is what is most puzzling to me, where does this perpetual sadness come from. Can I fix it? Or am I just consumed and controlled by the neurotransmitters that dictate how I feel. Either way I'm so tired of pretending. People often comment on my energy, sometimes even say they are jealous on how I manage to be so happy. Hilarious? I've been in some dark places in life, but the guilt of hurting my family kept me grounded. (I'm sorry if I am breaking the forums rules by stating this). Lately, I been fantasizing about leaving here. Its scaring me a bit because I always felt that leaving was not an option. I keep researching how to go without destroying my family. I have not found a successful way to achieve this. I have little expectation that venting these things will help change how I feel, but any feedback is greatly appreciated nonetheless. Thanks.