I'm lost with nowhere to turn...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Jinx91, Sep 12, 2011.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Jinx91

    Jinx91 New Member

    Hi everybody,

    I've never been on a forum such as this nor have I ever told anybody about my feelings. I think before I elaborate on my feelings I should introduce myself, it's bad manners otherwise. I'm currently 20 years old, male and I'm a student reading Civil engineering in the United Kingdom.

    A year ago I lost a close school friend, he was 17 when he was murdered, I've not been able to tell anybody about my feelings... I'm from a very traditional household, my father doesn't believe in crying or talking about emotions... that's probably why it's so difficult for me to express how I truly feel. My parents have provided everything for me, I genuinely believe that their investment in myself (I'm privately educated) is the only reason why I'm alive. I think that if I were not in university and my parents hadn't poured thousands into my education then I wouldn't be here You all probably think I'm mental, you're probably right but from a logical perspective I don't see the point of living, I really don't want to get involved in logic here, though. I'm not interested in girls, I'm not gay by any means as I'm attracted to women, it's just every time I'm approached by a girl I show no love, emotion or interest. I've lost a lot of my friends because "I've changed" but these friends have scarred me mentally as they used to bully my friend who was murdered, it just makes me feel so upset knowing that he died and when his death was announced in school they all looked as guilty as sin.

    I'd really appreciate any advice, I know the day will come when I won't be able to "take it" any more and I'll meet my fate

    Thanks for reading,

    Jinx
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Jinx,and welcome...sounds like the grief you are going through concerning your friend is affecting the way you are functioning...it is a good first step to express it here,and maybe you can work up to talking to someone about the way you feel. Because your parents are of the mind that emotions should be discounted, does not mean that you have to live like that. Does your university have a counseling service that you might be able to take advantage of? That might be a way to get help without involving your parents. Sorry you are feeling as you are, and welcome again. Please keep posting and letting us know what is going on for you
     
  3. Jinx91

    Jinx91 New Member

    Thank you for the welcome, Sadeyes. The university does offer help... I don't want to talk to anybody in person. I've got major trust issues, I hold the view that if you don't trust anybody then you won't get stabbed in the back. I'm not a fan of doctors, I'm not trained medically but I know about the pharmacology of typical drugs prescribed by doctors and I have no interest in taking them. I know, I sound stubborn, but I will never trust a doctor with drug prescriptions.

    Usually, I'm fine mentally but I get days where I'm reminded of my friend and I go to pieces.

    Edit: I love your signature too, I can tell that you hold a philosophical mind. I believe we are one, in that context.

    Jinx.
     
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Can we agree to disagree? I believe that trusting is an expression of our ultimate caring and intimacy...I do not know how I would get through things without the trust and love of others. Being ill prepared to talk to someone, does not mean that it is a fate complet (spelling...very tired as it is early here)...skillls like that are learned, and can be improved...and I think grief is truly under-identified as a contributory factor in much mental distress...also remember that there are many strategies in addition to medication that can be used...again, I suggest you consider at least meeting someone in the counseling center to see his/her level of competence so that should you decide to afford yourself of that service, you have met with someone, thus being more familiar...and please, do not under rate your feelings...if you are not doing well, you deserve to feel better...you are worth it
     
  5. Jinx91

    Jinx91 New Member

    Thank you.

    I don't want to argue with anybody, I'm very democratic. It's not that I don't want to trust, it's the fact that I mentally can't do it.

    I do think I should see a medical practitioner but I don't want to be lumbered with some councillor who is going to lecture me with knowledge that I already have, also I don't want medication :/

    Thanks for responding and being so positive,

    Jinx.
     
  6. Warrioress

    Warrioress Active Member

    I once told someone I don't know what to live for and she said: "Live for the people you love and owe the most to"
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.