This is my first post. Some Backstory: I am 18, my father passed away when I was 4 and have been living with my mom ever since. I was born in Portugal but can speak German and English and when I was 11 we moved to Canada where my school marks improved and became generally happy. When I was 16 I decided I wanted to become a vet but not in Canada, I wanted to return to Europe so we opted for Scotland. Therefore, I studied really hard and did all the things needed to apply for Veterinary Medicine in the UK causing me in the process to leave everything behind in Canada and start anew in Scotland. Once we were in Scotland, long story short, I didn't get into any University because they discriminated the fact that I studied outside the UK. Therefore, since I still wanted to apply to University this year we moved to Portugal where I now have a placement in a University here. Now: I really, really hate this country and I don't want to spend 6 years of my life studying in this place. I have worked so hard to study veterinary and now I look around and at myself and I just don't see the point. I'm not happy. Me and my mom are very close. Our happiness depends of each other and therefore we are very attached. My fear is to be 24-25 and still living with her and I want to be able to grow, not stay as a 15 year old with 25. I have tried to make contact with old friends that I had here and they never call back or contact me. Whenever I call them they don't pick up or don't call back. For the last 5 days I've started crying randomly. While watching tv, while on the computer, while playing guitar, while lying on the bed, etc... I don't even like to go outside because whenever I return home I feel bad and start crying. I have had low times in my life before but never like this. I look at my life and I don't find motivation for anything. I don't feel compassion for anything and lately I've felt like my emotions are numb. And, what never has happened before, is that now I am actually having suicidal thoughts. Please help, I don't know what to do.