I'm marked for life

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Vulnia, Jul 12, 2014.

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  1. Vulnia

    Vulnia New Member

    This is my first post here. I'm just really depressed and need to talk.

    I have extensive scarring on my arms, back, and hips from years of self-injury, since I was a child. I haven't cut in months, and before that it had been several years. I used to keep my scars covered all the time. I live in the south, and even when it was 100 degrees and humid, I would go out with long sleeves and arm warmers, but within the past few years, I've finally accepted it enough to allow my arms to be seen.

    Anyway, last night I had a date with a guy I just met at work. We had a good time, I really think I like him.

    ....He said my scars were depressing.

    It just really hurt my feelings and it's so triggering. I'm not going to cut over it, but I want to. It just makes me so sad.

    When I first got in the car with him, the first thing he said was "Nice cuts."
    He meant it in a joking way, just trying to lighten the mood. (Although I'll admit, not in the right way.) He told me that he used to cut in middle school because a lot of his friends did it. I Think some people just don't know how to react and they try to make jokes to cheer me up.
    But he could have left it at that. He didn't have to bring it up later and say that my scars were depressing and he couldn't stop starring at them. Like, I get it's bad, but really?

    This isn't the first time I've heard something like this. It just makes me want to tear my veins out. I feel really triggered. It makes me feel so lonely and helpless. I feel like no one will ever love me
     
  2. Moon_Penguin

    Moon_Penguin Penguin astronaut extraordinaire

    First off, Welcome to SF! I'm sorry you've had to come here. Alot of us here have also had simular issues. It makes you feel very awkward and want to hide away, especially if its only recently your willing to show them. I tend to shrug it off, try and ignore all of it. But it never works, always niggles in the back of your mind. It's about finding the right people to be with. Some of my ex's and friends never used to shut up about them scars. Then i found my current BF. Took a few dates, but he asked where they came from (knowing full well) and that was kinda it. Most of my friends now have been there, are there or know someone so i don't need to explain them. You just need to find someone who wont focus on them, who can just accept that, that is you and enjoy the rest of you.

    You are not alone x
     
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