im might do it at some point

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by psychonaut, Jan 14, 2012.

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  1. psychonaut

    psychonaut New Member

    im new hear i just registered and 8 months ago i fell in to the rabbit hole with psychedelics and did not come out because of 3 days of ecstacy and then doing a drug called 2ci two times in the same week as the ecstacy. im to much of a piece of shit to type so im going to copy a thread i made over at another website. so here it is. its titled it messed me up so bad my brain wont let me cry............."on my first acid trip everything was very vivid and beautiful and clean but going in to the next one , stuff in my mind and in my universe shifted. my whole life i was asleep and then like on my 2 or 3 trip i was awakened and i got a very detailed look at society and the whole picture. i was pretty much mind fucked. but i woke in the morning with knowladge but still stuck in my system of things and it was just not the same. psychedelics really brought all my underlying mental conditions to the surface and thats alot to deal with. ok.... now 6 months ago i fucked my brain up using to much extacy in 3 days and then decided to go on a trip with 2ci 2 times in a week. on the first 2ci trip after the ex, i told myself i was not going to do it again because something weird happend. watching tv if i decided to drift of while watching...the people on the tv would start doing something there not supposed to do and that was scary. so on the next 2ci trip the same thing stared to happen exept on a diffrent level.when i was not "awake" persay while watching tv the people on the tv started talking about me and it was like they were possesed with a sprit, not evil or good they were like casual people talking about my situation saying i was gone and i was gone, i had got burnt and went insane.....the first thing i noticed was that (i usually would chat with God on my trips) when i started chating i did not even relize but instead of knowing i was talking straight to God i was just in my own word unable to focus for any period of time. also befor i was in my room, i was outside with two friends, and we had all takin the drug, actually i first noticed myself being loopy when i could not say weather or not a water fountain was hot or cold. the 2ci put me in a state of uuhhhhhhhhhhhhhh instead of being able to think. ive been battling that for 6 months.also on the way in to my house on the first trip after the ex (and something like this has happend on acid to)it was like my spirit and soul and life left me and then it jumped back in(very scary) then i got stuck for a second in this reggresion back track universe type thing were i would look in one spot and then to another with a sence of nothingness and a pattern that would persist for a sec(very scary).after the second night on 2ci that shit fucked myself up royaly....im being serious. im in the congrigation of the dead. i have lost my way and understanding.imagine reaching beautiful heights of intellegince and in the same year going insane burnt and stupid. i have not tripped in 6 and a half months and i really dont think its for me, even tho i want to do it so bad sometimes its really just not good for someone at all.so how can i gain back my consiousness and awarness. does anybody have any insite on that whole situation. and also wat is the nature of hallucinations where its reality and there but not real(like the people on the tv doing crazy outlandish things and being intellectual at the same time)"..............so thats what i posted. even now i just dont feel like explaining shit and all i want is the answer to my problem. i dont want to be here for the end of the world. i feel like the world ending is based on me and my actions. i saw to much on these psychedelics and i want to die with no pain. i dont even want to go to heaven, cause im ashamed and cant face gods warmth with this twisted mind. there is such thing as a fail
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I think you need to sign yourself into detox treatment center or go to a hospital and get some help to get you stable again hun Then you will have a clearer mind and thoughts to help you move forward okay and out of that hell your in.
     
  3. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Hi there and welcome,

    I am so sorry about what has happened in the past year....I really cannot imagine what you're going through. Unfortunately, I do not have any answers, but I wanted to wish you the best of luck as you continue with your pursuit of awareness and consciousness. In addition, I like total_eclipse's suggestions of a detox treatment center or a hospital....keep us in the loop, and I hope you feel better soon. :hug:

    Alex
     
  4. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    I think you will be better grounded when you think clearly about this without E in your system.
     
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