The past 3 years I've been trying different anti-depressants. The ones I've tried so far either give me very bad negative side effects or they work for 2 months then flat line. Is this 2 month effect a placebo or just me getting more tolerant to it? I wish I could be happy, or just not feeling miserable all the time. I don't want to live anymore. I don't want to try to get a better job. I don't want to do anything. My whole life has been crap up to this point and my guess is the rest will be too. I honestly wish tomorrow I wouldn't be here. I wish I could painlessly die in my sleep and not have to worry about life the way I do now. My counselor has always discouraged taking medication for my depression. When I was in between switching to a different antidepressant she would encourage me to stay off and not start a new one. She seems to figure "if you did this" "if you made your life better" "if this happened to you" that I wouldn't feel the way I feel now. I've always felt the way I feel now. I'm pretty sure me having financial security and more friends won't make me feel like not killing myself every god damn day. What I want is to take a medication that works. I want to feel the way I did during those 2 months when the meds would work all the time. I can't think, my thoughts are constantly racing and I can't pay attention to one thing. I'm going to the doctor later today and telling him how I feel but if I was to change medication it will be at least a month or more before the new meds kick in. I'm not really asking a specific question, I just need feedback.