Over the years I realise i've pushed myself away into solitude, but it's not like I want to be this way. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me.. i'm just dead inside. Mute. My immediate family aside I have no one. Not one real friend. I used to have one but like me he locks himself away. Online is the only way to talk to him. At 20 I feel done. Never employed, out of education, friendless, emotionless, out of life. From the outside I probably appear intimidating and wierd. I have eczema all over my hands and arms from what must be stress. I don't feel it but ti must be my body's way of showing. I don't know where i'm at at this stage. I don't have any urge to self harm or rage, just nothing really. What I dream of is traveling far away and walking into the ocean. I don't want die where i've lived all my life.