I'm never gonna b ok

No matter what happens in my life, I'm just not happy. I cry all the time, the pain is just so severe and no1 understands. My mom tells me that its all gonna go away eventually, but I'm just beginning to think that it never will. I can't see myself ever being happy like I was during the early years of my childhood. Now idk what to do with myself, I just can't be happy no matter what I do

I doubt I'll ever kill myself, even though its basicly the only thing that's ever on my mind.

w/e, I'm just so lost. I ask god for help but he never answers, its like i'm talking to myself. There is no god, cuz if there was, he wouldn't be putting me through this when I don't deserve it. Why me and not some murderer or rapist or somebody??? It's just not even fair, I can't take this anymore.

 

It makes it so much worse when the people around you just dont get it. Depression and suicidal thoughts dont "just get better." And if you have to deal with them on your own, they usually get much worse. And the pressure of trying to live up to wht the others think you should be. It's unbearable. Hun, do you see a doc or therapist? Can you join a support group? Try to be with people that understand you and can help you. Don't keep trying to fight this alone. Even calling a crisis line just so someone else knows how you are really feeling can help you through the tough stuff. And you always have the members here to turn to. Please keep holding on. With some help, I think you can start to see that things may be bleak, but not "unfixable."

 

I have the same outlook. And I go to many support groups, but the toughest thing is going home alone when the meeting is over. Sure, I have uplifting meetings when I take the spirit of optimism home with me. But my life is an emotional rollercoaster with too many lows and not enough highs. I know my suicidal ideation is getting worse. I know I'm becoming more socially isolated, but what can you expect from a person who doesn't know how to love? I really feel like I shouldn't be here either. I'd like to say stay strong, but I'm trying to myself, and it doesn't make things better.

 

First off, nobody knows if there is a God or not, I could go into it but I'll save that for another discussion. If there is a God I and you should know that he can't answer every approx. 6.5 billion persons on this earth's questions.

Secondly, you WILL grow out of depression if you have a positive outlook on your life that things will get better. My advice is to first find what makes you depressed. Is it school, family, friends, where you live, etc? After you find this, I suggest finding whatever makes you happy. If you have a hobby or anything like that then you should really focus on that. I understand the stress that a lot of people go through but you really can't let that get to you. Just think of the life you could have when you're older, suicide won't get you there. In fact you don't know where suicide could make you end up.

When something makes you angry, I suggest just going to your room and letting yourself cool off and then thinking about stuff you like or something other than the thing that made you angry.

 

That is a good point. I doubt God would grant everyone's wishes to come true and let there be no more depressed, miserable, sad, bitter people left in this world.
Impulse, I have been fighting my severe, chronic depression for 10 years now. What I learned from my experience is that you have to be resilient, determined, and tenacious against your depression. You have to be patient and slowly overcome depression gradually by getting supports like therapy and meds.
The motivation is the key in this battle. Even at tough times like this, always remind yourself of what u want out of ur life. For instance, I have a dream of working for the FBI/IRS and marrying a woman I love. That keeps me motivated and energetic every day no matter how bad life is.
I am 26-year-old man who has never ever had a g/f/dated/kissed a girl. That is how much depression affected my life. But at the same time, it built unbelievable determination, resilience, and tenacity deep inside me.
I feel like a warrior, like a soldier fighting in a war called, "life." My life can be taken out every day. But till that day, I am fighting to the death, giving my heart and soul into every endeavor.
I wish u the best.

-Hank-

 

There's one out there for everyone :wink: I also thought that I would never found someone,and a few months later,I had someone.:smile:

 

I don't really believe in God either, but I believe that if he is putting us through this, it is only to make us stronger once we succeed in being happy once again. It took me a long time to figure that out, I might be wrong, but once you get through this, you will know how strong you are for winning the battle. It's not easy, I haven't won yet, but I will never give up. Neither should you. Your mom obviously cares about you. Think about that. Someone cares, someone loves you, someone is there for you. Good luck, stay strong!