I thought this might be a bit cathartic to get out...and to look at things in a reasonable way not based solely on emotion. Well, I've been in a crisis state lately, which led to me wanting to isolate and just leave the site. A few people advised against this, and it does make sense. I just figured if I was on my own, no one could hurt me...but I'd probably end up hurting myself. In fact, I really considered it last night, and I was all alone. The usual people I would talk to were all gone, and I feel odd striking up a conversation with someone I don't know. Besides that, I usually internalize when I'm upset, so I didn't want anyone to really know I was in such a state. I have no real life help, my family only helps me to become more negative and sink further into destruction. Any friends I had are long gone, or I can't reach out to them. On my Facebook page, most of my friends are people I know in real life, but I couldn't be able to talk to any of them about how I'm feeling. The only support I really have is here, and that seems to be dwindling. People I thought were close friends have seemed to abandon me, and won't give me the slightest clue as to why. Have I done something wrong, offended them, or they just got sick of me? I don't know because no one will tell me. Maybe people are afraid to hurt my feelings, but I'd rather be told the truth than be left in the dark. Otherwise I'll feel like I did something wrong and feel like a worse person. If I have done something wrong, they should tell me. I think I'm a good friend and don't purposely hurt anyone, so what gives? I've been abandoned since before I was born, and it still happens all the time. So I have serious issues with this, and with being alone. I can't really open up about how I feel because if I do, then I'm crazy. Then I'm too sensitive and negative and emotional. If I don't open up, I'm being difficult and cold and distant. So that's lose/lose no matter how you cut it. I'm running out of ways to cope and nothing seems to be helping. All I want is just to know that someone still cares. I have not much to live for, but I need a reason to keep going. I don't know if anyone will read this or care, but it does help to "let it all out" as it were.