i'm new and at a loss...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by tmp81784, Jun 25, 2009.

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  1. tmp81784

    tmp81784 New Member

    hi everyone.... i just signed up for this forum about 10 minutes ago because i am honestly at my whits end as to what to do with myself. (i've read the rules etc, but PLEASE let me know if i'm out of line b/c that is not my intent at all)

    i attempted suicide 2 days ago; long story short i'm alive and not happy. not happy at all. i went and saw my pyschiatrist yesterday and told her how suicidal i was/am and she told me to just hang on and see this therapist in her office today- so i did.

    i've told proffesionals that i don't feel safe and that i'm having these bad thoughts but i'm sitting here alone at home... with these thoughts.
    i just don't know what to do.

    i don't want my mom to be mad at me for having these feelings yet i want to be safe almost as much as i want to die.

    is anyone on here? do you have any advice? help? anything? i'm so desperate and alone....

  2. reefer madness

    reefer madness Account Closed

    Welcome to the forum. Have you thought about going to a psychiatric hospital to keep yourself safe for now? Also, I'd find a new psychiatrist.
  3. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    Hi Tara and welcome to the forum. Sorry to hear you are feeling so bad. I felt just the same when I first found SF and I am so glad I discovered the place. I've had more help and support from people here than from any doctor. We are all in the same boat here and therefore people tend to be more understanding. Get to know your way around the place and I am sure you will find it beneficial. It's kept me alive. Best wishes.
    PS Love the name Tara.
  4. tmp81784

    tmp81784 New Member

    i still feel terrible. i took something, not enough to die but enough to feel it take ahold of my body so i don't have to feel it anymore becuse i truly cannot fucking stand myself. i hate to think about being raped. i hate to think about quitting my job. i hate to think about how angry everyone is at me b/c they think "this" is for fucking attention.

    i get PLENTY of attention... i really do want to die.

    in addition to the ____ i took i also self harmed, again - not enough to kill myself but enough to hurt.

    the therapist called me about 10 mins ago becuase i cancelled the appointment for next week, when he asked me why i said because i don't plan on being here next week.... then he told me that my pyschiatrist will be calling so excpect a phone call.

    i dont want to go to the ER becuase i don't want to admit defeat... i dont want people thinking im doing this for attention. i dont want to live. but theres a small part, when i think rationally that DOES want to be on this earth. i am in such a terrible place i have no clue what to do. i wish someone would just make the decision for me.... fuck. why does God not answer the prayers?

    help me please.....
    im dying, literally and figuritively.
  5. Carcinogen

    Carcinogen Well-Known Member

    Don't worry about what people think. If you go to the ER, the psychiatric people will have to take it seriously, and you will be more likely to get the help you desperately need. For them to have just let you go while feeling this bad also doesn't suggest that your psychiatrist is much good. Maybe you could shop around for a new one?I hope you have no adverse effects from what you've taken, and that you get some help.

    Feel free to PM me if you need to. Take care.
  6. Tired and alone

    Tired and alone Well-Known Member

    I truly cannot give you any help because I am thinking that death would be better than life, but I can tell you that I am still here and you need to be alive also. There are all kinds of people on here with all kinds of problems but they are so willing to give encouragement and advice or just to say, "Yea, I know how you feel." It doesn't make any of us less of a person to ask for help. Giving help is what life is truly about.
  7. rob j

    rob j Member

    i just joined 10 minutes ago also, my life has literally fell apart in the last 3 months
  8. Carcinogen

    Carcinogen Well-Known Member

    Sorry, I screwed that up...
  9. Carcinogen

    Carcinogen Well-Known Member

    Have you tried starting your own thread, and explaining what's going on? It's probably the best way to get attention for your problem.
  10. Carcinogen

    Carcinogen Well-Known Member

    Have you tried starting your own thread, and explaining what's going on? It's probably the best way to get help for your problem.
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