Since Ive been a teenager, Ive had suicidal thoughts. I felt hopeless, alone and only thought my feelings were normal for a teenager. I am now 20 years old and still have these feelings. I try my hardest in school and try to do well, but my anxiety takes over me. I recently found out I had an anxiety disorder when my college advisor noticed I failed a standardized test, but my school grades were good. I took that standardized test again and from what Ive done, I dont feel I did too well. AGAIN.I just hate timed essays, Im a nervous wreck when I write. Anyway, now that I feel I disappointed myself and do not want to take this test again, I just want to kill myself. I just cant go on anymore. My head is pounding, Im just tired of everything. If I cant do the simple things in life then what's the point of going on? I really tried but I dont think I want to see next year or the future. I made a promise to stay but I just dont want to anymore.