Im new and feel so hopeless

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by melosine, Oct 24, 2009.

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  1. melosine

    melosine Active Member

    Since Ive been a teenager, Ive had suicidal thoughts. I felt hopeless, alone and only thought my feelings were normal for a teenager. I am now 20 years old and still have these feelings. I try my hardest in school and try to do well, but my anxiety takes over me. I recently found out I had an anxiety disorder when my college advisor noticed I failed a standardized test, but my school grades were good. I took that standardized test again and from what Ive done, I dont feel I did too well. AGAIN.I just hate timed essays, Im a nervous wreck when I write. Anyway, now that I feel I disappointed myself and do not want to take this test again, I just want to kill myself. I just cant go on anymore. My head is pounding, Im just tired of everything. If I cant do the simple things in life then what's the point of going on? I really tried but I dont think I want to see next year or the future. I made a promise to stay but I just dont want to anymore.
     
  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Hi. You've come to the right place. We'll walk with you through this.

    I strongly encourage you to go see a doctor for what is happening to you. You may need a referral to mental health. One step at a time.

    You don't have to suffer like this and you don't have to die to end the suffering. You'll find help here and at a mental health clinic.

    Regarding the test, can you have an essay that you've written a few times at home to get it somewhat memorized (at least the line of thought) and then recall it for the test?

    I hate timed tests too. I don't do as well on tests as I do in regular class work.

    :hug:
     
  3. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    welcome to SF!!!:stars:

    I have an anxiety disorder too and its extremely hard for me to go to school...so much I quit...it can be hard to be constantly anxious, but if you see a professional, they might prescribe meds and that helps ALOT! It doesnt take the anxiety away but it reduces it alot...it could reduce it alot for you to do your tests...

    please keep talking to us...we're here for you :hugtackles:
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    If you get diagnosed by a doctor the college can give you extra time to do your test give you a quiet area to do it in You can get tutoring as well Getting properly diagnosed is important so the college then can set up programs that can help you succeed.
     
  5. melosine

    melosine Active Member

    Ive been to some counseling at my schools and I was supposed to go to a mental health clinic but never went, so I still have these thoughts. I never acted on these thoughts though because Im too scared. Is it wrong to bet with myself that if I fail the test, I'll have to kill myself? I told my boyfriend and he's upset, he wants me to stay. I dont understand why people dont agree that things would be better off without me.
     
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I think your depression is making you think this way. I think the best thing would be to go see a doctor or to the mental health clinic. Once you are seen you can get set up with some council ling and maybe put on some medication that will change how you feel. Wouldn't it be nice to your depression finally decreases so you can feel happiness again. Go and get yourself assessed and get the healing process started so yu can start feeling better abt you.
     
  7. james79

    james79 Member

    Melosine,

    I'm a bit older then you (29) but I can relate so much to what you are going through as I had a very rough time in school and part of the reason I want to end my life is because of my inability to concentrate at times. Even though there are many factors in my life which are driving me to suicide I was recently convinced by someone on this forum to make an appointment with my shrink in order to try some meds. There's a part in all of us that wants to live and that is what draws us together like this, so if there's a way that we can eliminate the negative part of us and save our lives then it's at least worth a try isn't it?. Worse case scenario the drugs don't work and I end up killing myself, at least my family and I will know that I tried.

    We all deserve a fighting chance!

    <3

    James
     
  8. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I agree with the others that you need to reschedule your appointment with the mental health facility and go this time.. The meds they put you on will help take the edge off so you can concentrate better..They have meds for irrational thinking..Some meds will make you tired for a while until you build up a tolerance to them..Seek the help..Your boyfriend obviously loves you to stand by your side.. Do you really want to hurt him like this..Suicide just makes you dead but to your loved ones the pain never goes away..
     
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