alright, so i'm not sure if this is where i need to come at all but i really want to know if i should even be here. am i sad? of course. basically, i have no friends, my family is fine but everyone else is happy and i'm just not. i've previously struggled with ed. i'm extremely disappointed in myself in so many ways. i don't play trumpet well enough. i don't get high enough grades. i'm not skinny enough. i'm not pretty enough. et cetera. Sometimes i'm happy. but then i'm also really upset and sad at others. which makes me wonder if i'm not supposed to be here, since i'm sometimes happy. but i do hurt myself. i did when i had my ed when i would eat too much, and after i recovered (which was very hard and i feel myself slipping back which i guess in one *large* state of mind i'm happy about.) i hadn't cut since but then lately i've been really down and so i cut myself today and maybe this is weird that i thought it was kind of cool but i cut in a heart shape. anyway, sorry if this was triggering. and i don't know if i'm supposed to be here. so let me know if i should hit the road or if i am in the right place. i want to be happy again. i want to feel like getting out of bed and looking in the mirror (a lot of the time i just really really want to cry when i look at myself.) but i also wonder... am i just a stupid teenager that doesn't deal with her problems well? sorry. comments would be appreciated. thanks.