I'm new here..a little lost..and not feeling to great.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by AILOVINO, Feb 6, 2012.

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    AILOVINO New Member

    I am new here.

    About a month ago I lost the hearing in my right ear. It rings constantly. It makes me feel weak, and sick all the time. Like I'm on a boat.

    I am singer, and I cant sing. I am a dancer, and I can't dance. I am bulimic, and have been for 2 years.

    I just reached 93lbs. I am happy, yet digusted that i am. Everyone thinks that its mostly my bulimia which has attributed to my hearing loss.

    I understand that it could be, but it could also beother things. Yet, they treat me like I am just doing it to myself. No one hugs me, as dumb as that sounds.

    No one tells me I'm going to rise above. I have always been really positive, and a strong girl.

    I have gone through a lot of loss. Loved ones, jobs, failed in a lot of aspects, that were above my control.

    and yet I still smile and stay positive, and I treat people well.

    and still I find myself alone.

    I am in recovery somewhat of my eating disorder, and I have made progress, but no one notices and just focuses on my mess ups.

    I am scared. I am scared of going on in life.

    In 2009 I was hospitalized for an attempted suicide.

    I guess..i just kinda wish it worked. But of course I dont I love my family, and I've found reasons to keep going and push forward.

    I'm just tired, and feel sick and weak.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun sending hugs your way okay wish you could feel them It is confusing to me why the professionals always chose to state the negatives they see and not the positives. I don't know why that is. YOU are doing great hun you have gained weight you are trying that is all one can do. YOUR FAMILY they love you and it is good you have their support they will keep you fighting hun I do hope you continue to post okay continue to reach out here as it does help to talk to others who are struggling as well You are not alone now okay hugs
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and so sorry you are feeling this way...it must be awful to have so many things taken away...a real death of a life you knew...there are several posts from member who are experiencing similiar adjustments...please keep posting so you can support each other...and about people focusing upon your 'mess ups', that is just awful...maybe you should counsel them that this is not helpful, and see why they are doing this? Thanks for sharing and best of luck in your recovery
  4. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    It sounds like you have really been trying hard to take hold of life and to keep going! I think you are strong and brave for doing that, especially in the face of your challenges and losses. I wish that more people around you recognized your efforts and gave you the credit you so deserve. (In my experience, some people take a while to let go of their old opinions of a person. I'm hoping that's all that's happening with the people in your life. Maybe with a little more time, they will see what you are actually achieving instead of the things that didn't work out in the past.)
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