i'm new here, life hurts too much.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by joetomasulo, Dec 8, 2013.

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  1. joetomasulo

    joetomasulo Member

    Hi I'm Joe and i'm new here. I found this site this morning. well, i'm depressed, lonely, unemployed and broke, about to be homeless, heart broken, and I feel there's no way to fix this broken life. the though of ending this life is always on my mind. and this forum may be my last desperate cry for help. some one, any one to talk to would be a good thing. If you read this Please write back. I need you.
    thank you.
  2. Tabula Ras

    Tabula Ras Member

    I struggle to find any worthy words for your situation because I am currently enduring the unbearable and overwhelming despair that is being unemployed, broke, and about to be homeless as well. It's a circumstance, at least for me, in which words have no bearing even though the desperation longs for virtually anything that can release the crushing pressure of constant stress. A type of pain and fear that will be endured regardless of what is said, what is read, or even what is written. The only relief in such an era of losing the security, comfort, and safety of simple stress free shelter will only be that job which can provide it. Losing all that is known to quite possibly have to live on the streets, or even worse, is of the highest dread and grim reality one can really face as the risks and fear of the unknown are at full force upon the being in a fragile state.

    Since I do not know the exact chain of events or what potential options that may be, I can only write in the regards of assuming the worst case scenario. One may suggest that your first duty would be to do the best that you can to find employment, but the depression must be suppressed in some form in order to bring the motivation to do such a thing as it's the first opponent in obtaining a job. The actual act of employment, especially something new, will provide distraction, confidence, and a sense of purpose which are your best tools in the face of depression. But I am no fool in regards to how difficult it can be to find a job as it nearly seems impossible for even myself to obtain one at this point in time. A fate which, definitely when it comes to being able to obtain a home, is something that should never be wished upon anyone. No one should be deprived of the simplicity of comfort and security that shelter provides in such a world where money is frivolously spent and hoarded away as those with so much continue to do nothing.
  3. wyngedbyste

    wyngedbyste Well-Known Member

    Hi, Joe!

    Two years ago, I was in the same pickle as you. I had lost everything: sanity, job, family, home, friends, school, pets. Even almost my life. So, I do understand how you're feeling.

    What I found is that there are organizations and people out there who are willing to help. You may have to look really hard, which is difficult when you're depressed. What I did is ask every doctor, therapist or social worker who might help me. I spent time online figuring how to get housing. How to get disability. How to get therapy. I don't know where you are, but some cities have organizations who will sit down with you and help you with all of these things. Some shelters have social workers and doctors associated with them who will help.

    After I had done all I could, I began to prepare for being homeless and destitute. I spent a lot of time online finding safe shelters. Learning the rules. Finding safe places to go during the day when shelters throw their residents out. I found donations of warm clothing (since I was planning I'd be homeless in November). I figured out what supplies I'd need. I was terrified. I'm a 55 y/o woman who grew up middle class. Not used to fending for myself. But I knew I could if I had to.

    Doing this stuff can help you feel in control when life is totally out of control. I was lucky. I didn't have to live on the street. I found a place to live and got my disability. But it was scary close. I hope things get better for you. Keep coming back here. It's a good place.

  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Yes hun please look into what your community has to help you go to churches in your area who may know someone that can help go to government agencies as well that can helpyou find a way just don't give up ok hugs
  5. joetomasulo

    joetomasulo Member

    thank you for writing back to me. this situation is un-bearable. some times I wonder if it is fate; if I was destined to kill myself from the beginning.
  6. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    Joetomasulo, if you are officially homeless, there are ways to get food and shelter. You can get on disability if you're diagnosed with a mental illness. There are many food banks all over the country and Goodwill or Salvation Army, etc. can help with clothing and such. If you are disabled and are low-income, you may try applying for HUD apartments which are for low-income and disabled people. Being homeless can get you priority in the housing and that would relieve you of some financial burden. Just some food for thought...take care!
  7. joetomasulo

    joetomasulo Member

    thank you Byste, i'm a 55 y/o man, I live in Chico, Ca. and I've been to every church, counselor therapist I could find. there's not a lot of help for Caucasian middle aged men. my rent is paid up for December but with no income at all I can't stay here past December. so, as it looks now I don't expect to see 2014. this whole life, everything just was 'wrong'. no one to love, it's been impossible just maintaining an income. I have a 20 y/o daughter who won't have anything to do with me. she was my whole life for 20 years, my reason to stay alive. she broke more than my heart, she broke my desire to stay alive. as long as i'm alive, I hurt. I just want to put an end to this nightmare called 'my life'. thank you for letting me share that. feel free to share more thoughts..
  8. MessengerFromHell

    MessengerFromHell Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry to hear about your predicament. But hang it there. I believe there is help available. Try calling 211?
  9. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I'm really sorry for what you're going through. I don't have any suggestions other than the ones already offered, but just wanted to offer a listening ear if you ever need someone to talk to.
  10. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Call 211 - social services united way hotline - they will go over all the different agencies available to help you. You currently have a place to live which puts you miles above most people they are are trying to assist - all they need to do is find a program you qualify for instead of that plus housing - but these things take time so please call 211 today. Some of the counselors/operators are better and more skilled than others so if the first is not able to help much wait 30 minutes and call back again.

    That is not a cure for all of your problems- but once you take care of basic needs like a roof over your head and food then you can devote some of your time and energy into looking into dealing with some of your other problems for longer term solutions that can help you find a more meaningful life in general.

    Take Care and Be Safe

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