Hello, Im Roze. Im about to be 17 in May. Im a junior in highschool. Should I tell you a little bit about myself? Yes? Okay. I live with my mother and her boyfriend. Ive been pushed around all my life. Until I was 11, I lived with an abusive father. He passed away of cancer in 2006. 3 months later my mom got remarried. This guy was just as bad. He totally killed any freedom I had. I hated him so much. He wasnt nice. I remember him hitting my little brother and all I could do was sit and watch. I was no match for him. Things kept getting worse. My biological fathers parents filed for custody. There was a hug battle which lost us tons of money(including all money I had saved up for college). They now have set visitation. almost 2 years ago I got pregnant(yes at 15). It scared me so much. my mind was on other things. A month after I got pregnant, my little brother died. He was 13. He had so much stress on him that he couldnt do it anymore. His heart gave out. He passed away while I was away. My body in return was under stress. I lost my baby a month later. I was 10 weeks pregnant. I named my baby Kaselyn/Karlee(i wasnt far along enough to know gender). I was still forced to see my grandparents. They made things worse. Calling me mean things, saying Im not normal and that I need to be in the mental hospital. They said Im not worth it. They say Im going to hell because I have friends who are gay. If only they knew that I am... Nothing good comes out of their mouth. I hate having to see them. I moved away. Now Im at a new school. I cant see my best friend anymore. She isnt the same as she used to be, and neither am I. When I lost her, I attempted suicide. I didnt think I could do it without her. She doesnt know that I attempted, but we are close again. We are seeing each other next week for the first time in months. Im nervous about it. Last month, a friend attempted suicide. I was up all night crying because I couldnt get ahold of her. I relapsed back into cutting. Its just getting worse. I now cut 2-3 times a day. My arms and legs look horrid. I cant seem to find the want to stop either. My life is just getting worse. 2 weeks ago I was contemplating it again. I wrote my note and sat, ready to do it. My friend stopped me though. Its all Ive been thinking about for the last few weeks, so Im hoping someone can help me. Can give me advice on what to do. Sorry this is so long, but just some backround info so that you can know about me and what Ive been through.