I'm new here.

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by cleeda123, Jul 27, 2013.

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  1. cleeda123

    cleeda123 Member

    Hi, my name is Clea, I'm 20 years old and live in the UK. For the past 3 years I have suffered from depression, anxiety, an a-typical eating disorder with bulimic tendencies and stress induced psychosis, so a bit of a cocktail really haha. When I was 18 years old I tried to kill myself by self harming and since then have been under the local CMHT. I have tried counseling and CBT but that didn't work for me, I found that the best thing for me was to be on 2 different anti depressants and a benzo as and when needed, but most of all it was eating healthily and daily exercise that I think made me feel at my best. At the moment I am fine but have had a recent relapse into self-harming, though this has mainly been under the influence of alcohol and is always related to my body image and self esteem.

    Anyway just thought I'd say hi and tell my story!

  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi and welcome to the forum :) Thanks for sharing your story and glad you are here to tell the tale :hug:
  3. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    Hi Clea and warm welcome to you.. Got a couple antidepressants that help me also.. Life kind of worth living..look around some Clea.. See if you find a safe and good place for next post..
  4. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    Hello and welcome.

    The positive aspect that you have discovered within yourself - eating healthy and daily exercise - they can go a long way towards being beneficial. A healthy body promotes a healthy mind. Relapses are ok, but if you find that it is a pattern and related to being under the alcoholic influence, would it not be a better idea to consider not drinking instead?

    You state here that you have tried counselling and it hasn't been helpful - one piece of advice from what I've learned being here on this site is that it can take any length of time to find someone who works well with you. The same thing would have happened along the medication front, and it seems like you've found ones that work - would you ever reconsider trying again should you need to? It may be worth noting too, that if you held anything back from the counselor, it could possibly have led them to working along avenues that didn't work out. Just an idea, possibly for future reference if you needed it.

    Hope you find some extra support here to keep going - and if you have successes don't be afraid to share them too.
  5. Mayflower7

    Mayflower7 Banned Member

    Hi Cleeda123,
    Hi and welcome, sorry about the self-harming. Please seek out help for your alcohol problems, it will help you feel better. Try a exercise/diet plan when you feel able if you want to change you body image. I am here any time if you need support. You can do this, think about good things you have done or would like too.
    Please seek out professional help from your mental health team as well.
    Well done for doing so well, setbacks can happen it isn't your fault.
    Take care
  6. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    hi welcome to the site.

    good to meet you
  7. cleeda123

    cleeda123 Member

    I may have miscommunicated what I meant when I said I self harm when drunk, I do not have alcohol problems, I'm a uni student so I don't drink regularly but when I do it tends to be binge drinking, for example the last time I self harmed was a week ago yesterday on my flat mate's birthday as we had been in a bar all night and then carried on drinking upon returning home, it was about 5 am the next morning when I self harmed. Most of the time I have an urge to self harm but can control this urge when I am in a good state of mind, it's because of this that I have decided to stop drinking.

    Thanks for all your replies it is nice to know that there are other people who have been in the same or similar situations :)
  8. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    Deciding to stop drinking as it's affecting you, however infrequently it is, is a great step forwards.

    And also, not drinking lots, but binge drinking in itself can cause other unseen damage.

    Keep up the positive outlook :) Maybe you can support others who are in similar boats :)
  9. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    welcome. at 18 you were very young to die! what didn't you like about the counseling?
  10. cleeda123

    cleeda123 Member

    At the time my age didn't bother me, I was suffering from a stress induced psychosis at the time and believed all sorts of impossible things. I think what I didn't like about the counseling is that the focus was not on the massive amounts of self harm I was doing or the psychosis but was more built on the idea of an eating disorder, because of this it did not benefit me in that sense, it just caused more stress which exacerbated the self harm and the eating disorder. In the end I found it more beneficial to "get better" on my own, as I was lucky enough to have the support of family and friends.
  11. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    hi and welcome !! Glad you are here. Sorry to say I too agree that if alcohol is causing you to self harm then it probably is a problem. Even if you only drank twice a year. Do you think it might be worth staying away from it? Even though I hear ya that you drink very infrequently. It sounds like you have been so motivated to get things under control. So you can live the best possible life. Hopefully the quality of life increasing as the years progress :) I commend you so much for that !!!! Again, I am glad you are here
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