I don't know how I ended up in this place again. Well I guess I really do. It started out SAD and after winter I didn't recover then in April I discovered that my marriage wasn't as strong as I thought, I had a miscarriage, and I lost my job all with in a few weeks of each other. I fell into a major depressive episode and landed in the mental ward three separate times once because I OD'd and ended up in a coma. I got my job back and I was on my way to recovery when I lost my position. I didn't lose my job I just got moved from a position under a man I respected as a mentor to a supervisor who has poor leadership skills. The first thought I jumped to was of killing myself. That was the first thing in my head. Not very professional, I know. And over such a petty little thing. I can't find my life worth living if I can't work for my mentor? How dumb. The thing is its been three days and I've decided to do it. I'm going out to North Carolina to visit my dad and when I get home I'm going to rent a hotel room (so my husband isn't the one who finds me), leave a rather nice tip for the maid, play some soothing music, or not I don't really care. I keep remembering the wonderful nothingness I felt while I was in the coma and I would give everything to feel that again. The moment I really decided I was going to do it, I was going to kill myself I felt like a huge weight was lifted off of my chest. I know I'm being childish for killing myself because I can't have my way, but I like the relief I'm feeling knowing there is an end in sight. I want to write a letter to my therapist and apologize to him for wasting so much of his time. I want to make my husband hate me so it doesn't hurt as much that I'm gone, but maybe that isn't necessary, he'll probably hate me for killing myself. I know this wasn't much of an intro. Hi, my name is Danie and I decided to kill myself because I'm a worthless self indulgent baby.