im new here

[left behind]

i don't really know what to say, or to who. i feel so emotionaly inarticulate, over welmed and alone. my mum tried to over dose on tuesday after my step dad left.shes still in hospital and ive been in my house since then and i haven't talked or seen to anyone in almost a week. i've had suicidal thoughts for years, they usually just made me feel better. but im considering suicide more seriously than ever and i just found this site while looking for someone to talk to. i just feel so alone

 

[itachi]

Hey
Welcome to the Forums :smile:
I hope you find what you are looking for here.

If you ever need to talk PM me or 1 of the other site buddies, were all here to help ok. :smile:

Take Care
From Josh

 

[left behind]

im an 18 year old male,im unreasonably shy and constantly feel socialy-retarded. ive never had a gf and i feel like i never will. i self harm, usually with razors and coping saw blades and i drink to excess as its the ony way i can sleep. i was bullied for my whole time at school and i find it hard to trust people.

 

[Daleah The Faithful]

Hallo, left behind :smile:

If I may ask, do you remember the very first time you started to have these feelings?

 

[left behind]

7th grade coming back from a school trip on a coach a girl i really fancied was sitting behind me. she sad she liked me i completly froze and stared out the window for the rest of the way home. i could tell she was feeling a bit guitly and the next day at school she told her freinds about it and they all laughed at me. i had always been shy but that was when i really became self aware of it

 

[Daleah The Faithful]

What do you think that she and her friends might have been thinking? I remember something simular happening to some friends around me. The girls were thinking that shyness was cute. Sometimes things do not always seem as they appear on the outside.

 

[Winters]

im an 18 year old male,im unreasonably shy and constantly feel socialy-retarded. ive never had a gf and i feel like i never will. i self harm, usually with razors and coping saw blades and i drink to excess as its the ony way i can sleep. i was bullied for my whole time at school and i find it hard to trust people.

It's not toolate. I was like you at 18, ecept my brother was the bully, I emrtelyt shat myself at school. Right NOW is the time for you to get help to change things., Medical help, family help. If you do it now you can turn things arounfd. Don't just hide away inside yoursewlf like I have.

 

[left behind]

family helps not really possible my mum is in hospital after an alcholic attempted od. i a drunken rage she said she only started drinking after post-natal depresion and she blames my existance on her problems i know its not my fault for the way she is but i still feel guilty. if i had any positive parts to my personality i think that mabey i wouldent feel so guilty. but i don't.

 

[Winters]

family helps not really possible my mum is in hospital after an alcholic attempted od. i a drunken rage she said she only started drinking after post-natal depresion and she blames my existance on her problems i know its not my fault for the way she is but i still feel guilty. if i had any positive parts to my personality i think that mabey i wouldent feel so guilty. but i don't.

Well, the thing that kept me going for years... andf it may not be a healthy thought, but... you vcb kill yourself at any point, if it gets to heard, ytou can end it. So, you an go on with that as a fall back plan... don't put faith in other people t o much as they are often a let down, but now and then you will find individuals who are special in your life, if ytou can recognise these people you can make a good life for yourself

 

[left behind]

i have no one im completly alone

 

[Winters]

i have no one im completly alone

How old are you? In have been like this two decades, and have nmiussed manby opirtiniuties to t help, yuou vasn still help yourselr with a gooddoctor or good friend, it's not worth giving up ig yuu are undr 30, it really isnyt'/y At that pojnt you WHOLE life can still be turned 180 degreees.

 

[Daleah The Faithful]

i have no one im completly alone

Today you are not alone. :smile:

 

[left behind]

im 18
i have no hope
im a pathetic agorphobic waste of space loser

 

[Winters]

im 18
i have no hope
im a pathetic agorphobic waste of space loser

At 18 NOTHING is finalk. YOu are in plae whwre allmcan dhance, I am 15 years older tha you, and if I couod go back t 18, I would talk to myself, let myself k ow that I am bright an capaable and nbotnwitout aol,. hope.


at 17 ALL can change..... do NOT giove up hope at 18....... it's t0oo soon.... yo can find thos epewople who can help ypiu...... maybe not now, but soon. Give yours3elf this last cahce,fdcd Chance.

 

[Daleah The Faithful]

im 18
i have no hope
im a pathetic agorphobic waste of space loser

You have plenty of years ahead of you. Plenty of time to discover the better things about yourself and others. Sometimes the internet is a good place to start coming out of your shell. This simple fact that you do not have to look at someone but can communicate, it helps. And you are not a loser. You are strong enough to come here and talk about it. You have alot to offer in just this.

 

[left behind]

i know you are both right but i still dont think i could ever change
i dont think that i will ever get to the point where i could ever open up to another person and feel wanted by someone

 

[TwilightZephyr]

I've felt the same way before. You've never had friends before? I'm shy too...but I guess it doesn't bother me that much. I am sure there are ways of overcoming shyness...maybe kinda like overcoming fears.

 

[Daleah The Faithful]

i know you are both right but i still dont think i could ever change
i dont think that i will ever get to the point where i could ever open up to another person and feel wanted by someone

Ironicly you already have opened up to many just posting posting here. You are important and your life does have meaning. Sometimes we can't see the big picture because we are not looking across the walls we build around us. And as you can see, you are cared for as people have been replying to your "message in a bottle," as so to speak.

 

[left behind]

Ironicly you already have opened up to many just posting posting here. You are important and your life does have meaning. Sometimes we can't see the big picture because we are not looking across the walls we build around us. And as you can see, you are cared for as people have been replying to your "message in a bottle," as so to speak.

you cant really judge my personality for what it really is over a chat room though

 

[Daleah The Faithful]

you cant really judge my personality for what it really is over a chat room though

I'm sorry for the confusion, I truly was not judging you at all.

Just speaking for myself from personal experience and communicating to you what I see coming out of you as a person from the words you have spoken already.