I'm new to this

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by justgettinby, Jan 14, 2008.

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  1. justgettinby

    justgettinby Well-Known Member

    I've never done a forum like this before, but I find myself in need of people to talk to who understand how i'm feeling. Here goes.

    About three months ago, my fiancee dumped me out of the blue. I had just flown back home from seeing him, during which we had been looking at wedding locations and places to live together. Literally the next day he called me and told me that he couldn't marry me because we weren't compatible and he felt like he could never tell me anything. He also said that I was only with him because he was always 'fixing' me. Which isn't true. At any rate, he was the love of my life, my soulmate. I've tried moving on, even had other guys fall in love with me, but I can't get my ex out of my head. I haven't talked to him in 2 months. I can't sleep at night because I dream about him, and I have flashbacks about him all day every day.

    I've been depressed for about 4 years now, since my second year of college. I'm in grad school now, very far away from home, and I don't really have any friends here. I'm on meds, and I see a counselor (I've seen several). I was improving until the breakup happened. Now I'm cutting again. And I constantly contemplate suicide, but haven't done it for two reasons: 1. I can't seem to find an easy/non-messy way to, and 2. I can't bear to think of how much it would hurt the people I care about. But just living for other people isn't enough for me. I need some kind of purpose. I'm dropping out of grad school this semester, and have no idea what to do after that.

    I'm not sure what I'm looking for here, but I just know that I need some way of knowing that this PAIN will lessen someday. Because it's been unbearable for 3 months. People keep saying to give it time, but I don't know how much longer I can hold on. Please help.
  2. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    I'm so sorry to hear about your break up, that must have been hideous. I couldn't comtemplate that happening to me :(
    Well I hope you like it here. If you ever have a query, don't hesitate to ask :)
  3. Simon180

    Simon180 Member

    i can reflect on that problem i myself had that done to me by my ex its not nice and you feel like your world just ended fully am slowly getting back on track i still have my suicidal feelings and still very depressed at times but I am not letting them win! she not really worth it ...

    there allways more people in the world that can make us happy and you can make them happy!

    hope that helped not really good at this thing but i no how you feel HUGSSSS

  4. Very similar situation to what I've dealt with in 2007 with my ex, who proposed marriage to me, then she cancelled her plans to visit me on at least five occasions, then she disappeared from my life after having broke up with me around my birthday. The nightmares from the situation with her and from a previous relationship in 2007, are too much to cope with.
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