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I'm new too

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Kmun, Oct 27, 2010.

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  1. Kmun

    Kmun Active Member

    Hi my name is Kelly, I'm 25. I feel silly for being this upset but thinking there will at least be people here who wouldn't judge. I cant pin point where my behaviour stems from and I feel embarrassed to talk about it with people i know. I just want to understand my own actions and how to overcome this overwhelming sadness.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Kelly and welcome....there are so many ppl here who feel the same way...glad you found us and hope u find the support you want...J
  3. Kmun

    Kmun Active Member

    Thank you sadeyes. Today is hard. My boss has signed me off until Monday. I've just messaged both of my parents to tell them I'm not good. They don't know a thing or how I feel and I'm nervous about how they will respond. I'm not particulary close with either of them on a personal level and talking about myself to them is going to be near impossible. I think I will just break down in tears and then there will be no thoughts left to explain.

    I'm in a constant state of paranoia and pain. I want to be free of it.

    Today is not a good day
  4. dartofabaris

    dartofabaris Well-Known Member

    Heya Kelly, welcome, im new too - joined for similar reasons. People here genuinely care and are sympathetic cause they can relate in a non-pretentious manner; im glad to have found them.

    Pm anytime. :hamster: <-- happy hamster approves of you.
  5. Decode

    Decode Well-Known Member

    Hi Kelly, welcome to the forum.
  6. dartofabaris

    dartofabaris Well-Known Member

    sorry to hear that you have to endure such agony, hopefully this is a rough patch for which there is fixing.

    Is there anyone you are comfortable with, like any friend who you can trust?
    since you did message your parents about it, they would be concerned; would they be reasonable and understanding to you, if you choose to talk it out with them?
  7. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    hi knun
    just thought id say hi its ok to break down and cry sometimes,i think youre doing the right thing coming here to talk it out
    theres some wonderful people here who can talk with you
    its sounds like your going through some stuff so go ahead talk it over with us
    welcome to a great and kind place
  8. Kmun

    Kmun Active Member

    Thank you everyone. I just got back from seeing my dad- we had to go to hospital as my step mum just had an op ( nothing serious) they both asked but I figured it wasn't the right place infront of everyone. I just don't know how to open up, where to start, or pin point the actual problem. I think it's rejection but it must be more than that- it's not uncommon for me to feel stripped of happiness.

    There are quite a few people around me but no one who truly cares just out of sympathy that I have no one else. I live with four boys- one of whom I'd my ex fiance. It's a new arrangement so I can't get out. I don't want to, I like the house and I can't afford to live on my own- have no friends to go to either. I have to deal with it.

    My parents I've never spoken to about feelings, relationships or my general struggle with life. I hugely lack confidence which people get frustrated at me for because they expect me to be happy with who I am on first hand appearance. That means nothing to me. This doesn't help building the friendships I need. I don't know how to begin talking to my dad tomorrow ( he has asked me over for dinner) I haven't eaten for three days and it shows. The thought makes me sick. I don't have an eating disorder.

    I compulsively pick at my skin and behave irrationally doing stupid things. I sure the latter is to get a reaction from him, maybe, I can't answer that. It just takes over me.

    I don't know how to deal with general un happiness when there isn't one thing to pin point why I'm like it in the first place?! A break up is one thing, but the paranoia was always there. I realised today it is me with the problem as this is a reoccurrence from the last 10 years relationship wise and ( I'd say my irrational behaviour began at a very young age but never summarised it until today. This is in the form of stealing unimportant objects (for no reason) impulsive searching through things, and the need to reorganise other peoples things- not my own?? I never put the present behaviour to my past as a child and im seeing the pattern.

    What do I do next? And how can I tell anyone with out breaking down in tears and never saying a word? I need a friend I can actually trust and feel comfortable with that they fully understand.
  9. Oskan

    Oskan Member

    Kelly, there's no such thing as overreacting or a silly feeling. There's feeling what you feel, and there's nothing wrong with that. That being said, there are different ways to deal with how you feel.
    If my sympathy (empathy?) counts for anything, I understand. I don't talk to my parents, either, and you know it can be difficult talking to anyone else.
    Is there a way you can move in with your parents? Perhaps being away from your ex would help. If not, find a job or hobby somewhere else where you might meet people who are interested in the same things, or just a nice person to get a smile from. This could be a museum, bookstore, favorite store, etc.
    And if you can bring yourself to it, a counselor could help. Dealing with all that by yourself must be a real heavy load on your shoulders and heart.
    Or, if you can't do that, would a journal help? Russian girls traditionally used to keep dolls called "worry dolls" that they would tell their worries and thoughts to. Even if it's an inanimate object, it can help. Beyond that, if circumstances allow, a dog or cat (if you're nice to it) would be a great option. Look into local shelters for a friendly dog who likes attention, and you're sure to have a companion.
    I'm sorry if this doesn't help, and that you feel so awfully.
  10. Kmun

    Kmun Active Member

    I don't really have any individual hobbies. I enjoy being at home. I don't do any sports or activities and have thought about this for years (ex just text me:( can't bring myself to read it) My day job takes it out of me creatively in a good way so I guess that is my hobby and work :)

    Generally don't click with people I work with. I'm nice and everything I think my lack of trust and paranoia comes through which is why? That and it's a bitchy industry and I'm just nit like that.

    I can't move out, I just been kicked out my dads which is why we all decided to move in here. That was the first time I've been living with a parent for 7 years. I have extensive events along the growing up time which I guess can wait for another message.

    Sadly no I'm not allowed pets here. I commute and work long hours it wouldn't be fair either. I'd love a cat.

    I guess I should go see someone?

    Oh my ex has had alot of previous issues, three failed attempts and therapy ( he just was finishing the therapy when we got together) we've known each other since we were 8 and I fell in love at first sight. We always said through our lives crossing paths over the years we'd be together one day. Then when we did it went horribly wrong. I feel he has been emotionally abusing me- but again this is just a break u issue. I want to get to the stem so when I next fall into a relationship I don't do this all over again.

    Too many things tallying up. Perhaps I should write them down? Do you not think writing down the negatives in your life is backwards step?
  11. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    I personally find writing things down to be helpful. I would suggest you try to put the feelings into words rather than look at individual aspects of your life. How you put those feelings into words is up to you, for me it's poetry for others prose and for others a straightforward list or letter.

    On the same subject, I'd suggest maybe if you're struggling to speak with your family that maybe you write a note letting them know the situation, there may well be someone close to you with a similar experience, my aunt suffered with depression for years. I didn't know that until my Mum suggested that I should call her for a chat and coffee.

    There is no right way of doing this. Do not feel silly about telling people, it's probably more helpful if you can tell them, rather than them finding you in a terrible state.

    Hope that's somewhat helpful, feel free to PM me.
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