Hi, i just discovered this site while i was looking for some help today. I have struggled with depression for a lot of years and suicidal feelings have come and gone through all of this. they have been stronger and more frequent lately and it is getting overwhelming, especially bad today. I have struggled with alcohol problems and ruined some of my best friendships, including a girl I have been in love with for a long time. I have lost so much ambition and will, and hardly find anything enjoyable anymore. I just feel like everything is too far gone and i cant come back from here. The only reason I am still here is that i dont want to hurt my family and i know they would be devastated.Im trying to just hold on to something to keep me here.