I'm New

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by brknsilence, Jul 11, 2015.

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  1. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    I'm new to this site. For the past few weeks, every day, throughout the day, I have been thinking about suicide a lot. Planning it and everything. I don't know what else to do. I don't want to go back to the hospital. I'm just exhausted. Tired of being this way and everything. The only thing keeping me from acting on it is my kids. I'm trying to be the best mother and I keep thinking I'm failing in it completely. I can't go anywhere without thinking society would rather have me dead and everyone would be happier if I was no longer here. I been keeping to myself mostly. Stuck at home... Just wish I could enjoy life instead I keep thinking I'm messing everything up...
  2. It's very hard to fail as a mother, I think. You should try to remember that nobody is perfect, you're going to make mistakes as a mother, every parent makes mistakes, that won't make you a failure, just a human. The surest way to know how you're doing though is, if you're concerned for your children's well being and how you're doing as a mother, then you're most definitely on the right path. Not that you should base your life choices on what society dictates and demands from you but also, if there's one thing society values unanimously and unconditionally, is a mother's love. A mother who tries to do what's best for her children. A mother's love is unmatched in any person's book. I have some problems with my own, but even I know that my life is infinitely better because she's around. Your children think the same. Living is what's best for your children. And if there's anyone who would rather NOT have you dead and be SO MUCH happier if you were around, it's your children. You may be going through some stuff and you may not want to live for yourself anymore, but if that's the case, try and do it for your children. Live for them. Sometimes that's all that you need, someone or something to completely dedicate yourself to. That's why religions and careers and money are huge motivators, because you're living for something much bigger than yourself, be it for the Company, or the Status and Prestige, or God. And to be perfectly sincere, your children's happiness and well-being is probably one of the most noble things anyone could ever aspire to dedicate themselves to do. In the end, obviously, it's up to you and believe me, I know how hard it is to want to keep going when your heart, mind, and soul are ready to go, but focus on your children, live for them. Love them and live for that, because living for love is something comes back to you, your children will be eternally grateful for your love, and they will return that love and I think, that will eventually make it all worthwhile. You have beautiful children to live for, do it for them. :)
  3. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    I been trying to stay for them. Just every time I go anywhere, I'm just reminded one way or another that I just don't want to be here or how I think everyone would rather have me gone. I'm just so exhausted...plus, I'm still tired of fighting this stupid depression. Who wants a depressed person or mother? I just feel so hopeless as ti what to do anymore. So sorry....
  4. Yeah I know, it sucks. Have you tried medication?
  5. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    I'm on Zoloft. My dr upped it because I was having the suicidal thoughts and having a plan. She also contacted crisis team. I talked with them including my husband and I went home. Some wanted me in the hospital which I didn't want. So I had to do anything I could to not be admitted. But the thoughts aren't getting better. I'm more frustrated... and already wanting to disappear again.... :(
  6. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    No, please reframe from acting on your feelings. You are important and I know each day is hard with you dealing with your emotions. We can help you get through this tough period of your life.
  7. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Thanks . I'll try my best to not act on the thoughts
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to SF. It is a friendly and kind community, I hope you get what you need here :hugs:
  9. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Thanks. My thoughts are still not well.so exhausted....
  10. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    I have suicidal thoughts all of the time as well. Something is seriously wrong with my brain, but there's nothing that I can do about it. I'm sorry that you're suffering.
  11. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    I just want these thoughts to go away. Still feeling like I shouldn't be here. Still not feeling comfortable about a lot of things. I'm just getting tired of fighting this. :(
  12. Neo28

    Neo28 Member

    I feel your pain. I am a father, have to work to support my family, have severe depression and anxiety to the point where I almost can't work, and just think my family and the world would be better off without me. I feel like a terrible father and husband, as I am constantly struggling with all this and find it hard to give my kid and wife the attention they need. I am also tired of fighting it. It takes soooooo much out of me every day! So I understand what you are going through and I am sorry you are having to go through this! It's total B.S., but somehow we all need to find a way to live through it. I know I am struggling to find the answer to that question and I wish I had an good answer, but I don't. The only think I keep telling myself is suicide is permanent, so why not just wait 1 more day and see what happens. Maybe the answer will come to each of us on how to carry on or a new path to survival will appear but it's coming tomorrow.

    For me personally, I need to pray for God to show me the path to walk. I haven't done that a lot recently, so I am going to ramp it up. I will say a prayer for you as well and hope that he shows you the path to carry on. Every life, your life, is precious even though it may not seem that way right now. I don't even see it that way right now, but our kids see us that way and need us. Try to hang in there and talk to us on this forum.
  13. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Neo28. Just wish things weren't so difficult. Here if you want to talk too. Hugs
  14. Concrete_Angel

    Concrete_Angel Forum Buddy

    Just want to say welcome to the site and hope you find the support that you are looking for :) :)
  15. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

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