I've already posted to a few other threads, but I'll introduce myself. My name is Preston. I have "borderline" schizoaffective disorder that occasionally crosses the line into full-blown schizophrenia. Most of the time I hear voices but I know they're not real. I was hospitalized for the first time last June, committed against my will. I was hospitalized and then institutionalized over Christmas, but it was voluntary this time. Since then, the medication I'm taking helps with the voices, but at the cost of my creativity, which I'm not sure is worth it. I have attempted suicide five times in the last three years. My very first suicide attempt was when I was nine. I was psychotic then, but doctors refuse to call a nine-year-old schizophrenic because that's about six years before schizophrenia generally presents. I've come to this community in search of other people like me. From what I've seen so far, most of you have been through the same kinds of problems I have. That's important, because I'm tired of asking people for help who have no idea what I'm going through. Being told you have a mental illness is like being told you have terminal cancer. There's little they can do about it and you just know you're going to die of it. Thanks for having me.