I'm new.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by rxrxrx, Dec 31, 2009.

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  1. rxrxrx

    rxrxrx Member

    I'm going to be 25 this year.

    Suicide has been a big part of my life for the last 10 years, from when my mom attempted and failed in 2000 to when one of my closest friends succeeded 4 months ago. I keep telling myself I can't do it, that I can't do it to my family and friends, but it is getting harder every day. I just lost my job, I've never been laid off before and it's making it all make sense even more.

    I live on the 22nd floor.

    I feel like everyone knows. Like I am carrying it in my hand, and I don't know where to put it or what to do with it, and everyone sees it but no one knows what to say. They just don't look at it directly.

    I've been reading a lot, I read Night Falls Fast by Jamison and A Grief Observed by CS Lewis and it helps at first, but only for a short amount of time. I haven't really had sex in months, I haven't enjoyed sex in at least a year. I see a therapist. I had a physical. I am trying to fix it and nothing is working.

    I need help.
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Hi, I am glad you found SF and hope you get the support and love you need here ...I did.
    What you wrote is something many of us here have experience with so please know that you are amongst those that understand you and more importantly those that care about you and want to lend support.

    I am available via PM too if you would like to talk there. How are things going with the therapist? These things do take time and you will see many of us voice our frustration at the whole process of finding the right therepist, right meds and all. Well I hope to hear from you and am glad you are here at SF this is a great place, you won't be judged and we are here to give support to you
    :arms: Bambi
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hey welcome lots of supportive people here that can relate and help you. I am glad you have a therapist as it does help to talk to someone in real life take care.
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    HI and glad you found us as well...maybe being laid off is an opportunity to find what you truly want to do, ie: go back to school, learn to be a chef, etc. and I do not think ppl are as aware of your situation as you feel they are...please stay with us and let us know how you are doing...welcome again, J
  5. Colourful

    Colourful Well-Known Member

    Hello, welcome to SF :) this is a great site for support as many of us have been through something similar so it's easy to relate.
    Keep posting.
  6. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    how are you?
    welcome to SF,people here are so helpful so I hope you find what you looking for , may the new year be better for you.
    take care :hug:
  7. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    we are all here for you!!
  8. rxrxrx

    rxrxrx Member

    Thank you guys for the support. New Year's Eve is no fun when you're down.
  9. Dasher83

    Dasher83 Member

    Im also new on here, well this is the first time i have put anything up.
    Im 26 and can empathise with you. Feeling so low and alone is a terrifying place to be.

    I dont know if there is a magic cure but i hope someone somewhere has some answers, i also see a counsellor and am on meds but the combination still hasnt really worked.

    Just want you to know that you are not alone, even if its just in the respect that other people are going through similar and understand.

    I hope you are ok. Dont give up.

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