I'm no different from those I hate

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by ExtraSoap, Jan 16, 2012.

  1. ExtraSoap

    ExtraSoap Well-Known Member

    If I had the power to play god, to either bring prosperity or to wreak havoc upon this world, I would be no different than the very people I hate. Short-sighted, power hungry sociopaths who would do unspeakable things for power. Politicians, people in my class, so-called leaders. If I could, I would wipe every one of them off the face of the earth. Exterminate the cancer. But, how would that make me better than them? I would laugh as rivers of blood flowed, my hatred for the world that had rejected me and wronged me in so many ways taking control of me and clouding my thoughts. The few morals I still hold on to would be lost, and I would be no better than them. and yet, I feel as though I would recognize it happening, but do nothing about it. I would embrace it, and I would become a monster, even more so than I already am. I would enjoy the feeling of the white-hot hatred of this world controlling me and ending the lives of many. I would march at the forefront of an unholy army meant to destroy the society that made me what I am. Basking in the fear that people have for me, as I feared them. I would feel empowered, finally. To have the power that I always craved, to end or give life to whoever I deemed worthy or unworthy. I'm disgusting, and I'm no better than the psychopaths of this world.

    Ugh. I'm just going to say it straight. Throughout middle school I fantasized about killing those who caused me pain. there were a lot of them, and I had a plan to take them hostage in my school and terrorize them before I killed them. I had a list. Some would be tortured, shot in the kneecaps and such. They would all fear me, as I had the power to choose whether they lived or died, and I would tell them all why I was doing what I was doing. Obviously, I never did it, because I didnt have the resources and because it was just wrong. This is the first time in 6 years that I've admitted this openly to anyone but myself, and it's been eating at me for a while. The worst part was was that I enjoyed playing out their deaths in my head, hearing them beg, and listening to them die. I wanted to prove to them that I was better than them, and they were stupid for thinking otherwise.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 16, 2012
  2. jeroen

    jeroen Well-Known Member

    I think it's a fantasy many people have, good thing you never acted on it. But you should take these thoughts serious if they ever come back, do not just assume that you would never do that. Find out what's bugging you and look for more constructive solutions!
  3. ExtraSoap

    ExtraSoap Well-Known Member

    I generally dont think about such things anymore. But it was all through middle school, 3 straight years where I actually entertained the thought that I would do it.
  4. Joshua2803

    Joshua2803 Well-Known Member

    wow, well no doubt these those were wrong, but its good you now see that they were wrong. also like its already been said don't take for granite that you won't have these thoughts again. you never know what could trigger them, something that id recommend staying away from s horror movies as they seem to commonly resurrect these thoughts.
  5. ExtraSoap

    ExtraSoap Well-Known Member

    I generally dont like horror movies, being scared and unable to sleep is not my cup of tea :p

    and anyway, yeah I just needed to let this out. And not only did I not do it because that would be so incredibly wrong, but I didnt have the resources to do it, and therefore it never happened, and it's going to stay that way.
  6. snarrylover

    snarrylover Well-Known Member

    I used to do the something similar, but not as violent. I just to fantasize that I had super powers and would pick up people I hated, fly over the ocean, and drop them. I had a few vampire ones as well where I would drain them dry. But it was just that - nothing more than an angry fantasy. I would never ever have done anything about it and I think that is what makes us different from the people who hurt us. We know hurting and upsetting others for no reason other than selfishness is wrong. The people who bullied me did if because they felt like it. We're not as bad as them if we don't act on it.
  7. oval

    oval Well-Known Member

    i think this is a super common thing. i couldnt count on both hands how many people i know that have fantazised about that before. maybe i just know the wrong people :p
    i made plans too and looked up information on guns, i even praticed shooting with my dad's gun. i was absolutely obsessed with a shooting at a german school in 07. i did crazy amounts of research, even found out the guy's address.
    kneecaps were my favorite too. either that or hands and feet, maybe face, something that would definitely cripple them and make them suffer. i still dont feel any sympathy for those specific people that used to fuck with me. i dont really feel bad for having had those thoughts. it used to scare me and i was thinking, "god what kind of person am i? im disgusted with myself!"
    but now it doesnt bother me. its something aloooot of people seem to go through. sadly its no shocker anymore