I'm not a child

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Samsara, Nov 29, 2009.

  1. Samsara

    Samsara Well-Known Member

    I'm 18 years old, but I feel like a 15 year old boy. And an immature one at that. Mostly because my mother treats me like one. I don't see my dad that often and he kinda stopped being a dad when I was about 15, and I don't have my brother to learn from anymore because he died when I was around that age. I can't even remember what fucking year he killed himself, that's how bad my memory is now.

    I'm 18 and I still take my cues from my overbearing and condescending mother. I don't do anything unless I have her permission. I don't even leave the house unless I have her permission. She still grounds me, more or less. And I let her, that's the worst part. Yes I still live with her, and she is my mother, so I feel like I should respect her wishes to some degree, but I do every thing she says. If she says she doesn't want me to go somewhere or do something, then I usually don't. If she doesn't want me to see a girl or a friend that smokes pot, I usually don't. She stops me from going to parties, shows, girls' places...
    She doesn't let me grow up, and then she tells me "you need to act more grown up."

    To top it off she is very passive-aggressive, and she is very dismissive of my thoughts and feelings. She scoffs and things that I take seriously. She tries to micromanage me. On my 18th birthday dinner she had to stop herself from ordering for me, pretty much midsentence. She publicly scolds me in front of girls that she knows I'm trying to impress.

    It's become conditioned...Christ I'm so mortified. A girl invited me to her apartment a month or so ago, and I said "Sorry, my mom's expecting me."

    Yes, it's very pathetic.

    Recently I've started having very dark thoughts. I've been thinking about killing her, then killing myself.

    Does anyone have advice on this? Can any one relate? I'm posting this in multiple forums because it is a very urgent matter for me. I would request that the administrators allow me to repost this in multiple forums.
  2. morgan

    morgan Well-Known Member

    With your brother and dad gone it seems like your mom is trying to hold onto you extra tight. Can you blame her? It sounds like your in a pretty awful predicament with her now and I hope you two will be able to work it out. Maybe you should call her out when she does some of those mortifying things, let her know that you see her little games. Sooner or later she will have to let you go and I hope its sooner :)
  3. Tray

    Tray Well-Known Member

    Well first off im sorry to hear about your brother. And that you dont seem to get the care you require from your father. I can understand the difficulties of growing up with out a male role model.

    As for your troubles with your mother there is some things you can do and those you cant. First lets consider a few thing. You are living with your mother. Therefore despite being 18 you dont really have much of a choice. It sucks but its all there is to it. You can talk to you mother about these certain things and with that come up with a compromise. However if it doesnt work out than like i said your a bit out of luck.

    Do you pay rent? I only ask cause if you do than thats one way you can get past the whole my house my rules concept.