I'm not a child

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Samsara, Nov 29, 2009.

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  1. Samsara

    Samsara Well-Known Member

    I'm 18 years old, but I feel like a 15 year old boy. And an immature one at that. Mostly because my mother treats me like one. I don't see my dad that often and he kinda stopped being a dad when I was about 15, and I don't have my brother to learn from anymore because he died when I was around that age. I can't even remember what fucking year he killed himself, that's how bad my memory is now.

    I'm 18 and I still take my cues from my overbearing and condescending mother. I don't do anything unless I have her permission. I don't even leave the house unless I have her permission. She still grounds me, more or less. And I let her, that's the worst part. Yes I still live with her, and she is my mother, so I feel like I should respect her wishes to some degree, but I do every thing she says. If she says she doesn't want me to go somewhere or do something, then I usually don't. If she doesn't want me to see a girl or a friend that smokes pot, I usually don't. She stops me from going to parties, shows, girls' places...
    She doesn't let me grow up, and then she tells me "you need to act more grown up."

    To top it off she is very passive-aggressive, and she is very dismissive of my thoughts and feelings. She scoffs and things that I take seriously. She tries to micromanage me. On my 18th birthday dinner she had to stop herself from ordering for me, pretty much midsentence. She publicly scolds me in front of girls that she knows I'm trying to impress.

    It's become conditioned...Christ I'm so mortified. A girl invited me to her apartment a month or so ago, and I said "Sorry, my mom's expecting me."

    Yes, it's very pathetic.

    Recently I've started having very dark thoughts. I've been thinking about killing her, then killing myself.

    Does anyone have advice on this? Can any one relate? I'm posting this in multiple forums because it is a very urgent matter for me. I would request that the administrators allow me to repost this in multiple forums.
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Is there any way you can try to save up some money so that you can move out?

    If not, the only thing I can suggest is to try and take a stand. Don't let her control you or tell you what to do. You're eighteen, and you have a right to live your own life. Try to take small steps to keep her from controlling everything you do.
     
  3. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    It sounds tough to deal with. I can imagine how hard it is with her controlling your life (or trying to) but I'm sure she is only trying to look out for you. She sounds like a standard overprotective mother, and she needs to learn to stop. The problem is you can't be the one to tell her, because she probably won't listen to you. She will think "Mother knows best". Maybe you should try seeing a doctor, counsellor or other health professional and get them to talk to her.

    I'm gonna have to disagree with WildCherry. Moving out may help but it won't fix the problem. That is only running from the problem, and won't show her the error in her ways. Taking a stand will only make you seem like a little brat in her eyes and she will only try to control you more. You are living in her house, and so have to live by her rules. Yet she has to respect you as well, and give you the chance to do things that you want to do. Both of you have to respect each others wishes.

    Is there something you do/did to make her treat you this way? Does she trust you? Do you deserve her trust? By that I mean, do you act like a teenager or like a responsible adult?

    Killing her is wrong, plain and simple, you know that. Killing yourself won't help either, and will only make your mother incredibly guilty and depressed. Despite how she treats you, she doesn't deserve to be treated that way. Maybe you don't deserve to be treated the way you are being treated either, but she is doing it out of love and care, remember that.

    I know you are 18 and not a child, but you aren't an adult either, in my opinion. This isn't because of your situation, but because your age is still in a transitional period between adolescence and manhood, So in a way she has a right to look out for whats best for you, but she doesn't have the right to control everything you do. Despite me saying not to talk to her, you still could give it a try, and sit her down and say seriously that she is affecting you deeply and you can't handle it. Don't say the words "I'm an adult now" because she probably still sees you as a kid. This is natural for a parent to do, so don't hold it against her. Also, if you want her to stop controlling you, you have to show that you don't need to be controlled. Show her you can make your own intelligent decisions, not complaining about not being able to go to a party or something juvenile like that (If you do these things). If you want to be treated like an adult, the best way is to act like one. This doesn't mean never go to a party or see a friend, just that you prove to her that you can be trusted to not do anything dumb like get drunk or smoke pot. Do these things and she will become even more controlling.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 29, 2009
  4. 1victor

    1victor Well-Known Member

    Freedom is never given
    Freedom can be only taken by force.
    You have to get your own place, my friend
    If it's not possible than you should start working toward it because living with the parents, no matter how good or bad are they, will not do you any good.
    Sometimes in classifieds I see rooms for a little labor like 10-15 hours a week.
    Something to think about. I hope you are not in NY, aah... no you don't. You are in Arizona so you have a chance. I just checked craigslist and I see some stuff that might work for you. I do not know what city you are in so start searching in your place and than all the closest cities. Even short term labor for 2-3 moths will be very educational for you and your family. You will know what is to be on your own in this world and you parents will realize that you are not a baby anymore. You must tell them that you will be back. Do not burn the bridges.
    I wish you to find the strength in this very difficult time for you.

    Edit:
    The post above is something to consider I am just giving you ideas. To make an intelligent decision is up to you.
    V
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 30, 2009
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