I'm 18 years old, but I feel like a 15 year old boy. And an immature one at that. Mostly because my mother treats me like one. I don't see my dad that often and he kinda stopped being a dad when I was about 15, and I don't have my brother to learn from anymore because he died when I was around that age. I can't even remember what fucking year he killed himself, that's how bad my memory is now. I'm 18 and I still take my cues from my overbearing and condescending mother. I don't do anything unless I have her permission. I don't even leave the house unless I have her permission. She still grounds me, more or less. And I let her, that's the worst part. Yes I still live with her, and she is my mother, so I feel like I should respect her wishes to some degree, but I do every thing she says. If she says she doesn't want me to go somewhere or do something, then I usually don't. If she doesn't want me to see a girl or a friend that smokes pot, I usually don't. She stops me from going to parties, shows, girls' places... She doesn't let me grow up, and then she tells me "you need to act more grown up." To top it off she is very passive-aggressive, and she is very dismissive of my thoughts and feelings. She scoffs and things that I take seriously. She tries to micromanage me. On my 18th birthday dinner she had to stop herself from ordering for me, pretty much midsentence. She publicly scolds me in front of girls that she knows I'm trying to impress. It's become conditioned...Christ I'm so mortified. A girl invited me to her apartment a month or so ago, and I said "Sorry, my mom's expecting me." Yes, it's very pathetic. Recently I've started having very dark thoughts. I've been thinking about killing her, then killing myself. Does anyone have advice on this? Can any one relate? I'm posting this in multiple forums because it is a very urgent matter for me. I would request that the administrators allow me to repost this in multiple forums.