I'm not crazy, but I might be...

[Maaso]

I dont know if this is the right section of the forum, it seems appropriate since I am uncertain about this.

But I think I am going crazy, I know I'm not because I am still capable of rational thought and distinguishing between whats right and wrong, real and fake, whats there and whats not...but lately I have been seeing things, things that I know arent there. Which seems crazy to me.

I told my doctor, she told me that its stress related, and the lack of sleep is getting to me. I'm stressed because I got laid off in February, and I havent slept since I quit drinking 7 weeks ago, maybe 5 hours a week at most. But I'm not sure I agree with her.

Lately, I have been seeing things, this girl to be exact. And I know the girl, know her very well as a matter of fact. I have been seeing visions of her though. But when I reach out and touch her, I can feel her. I can smell her shampoo, I can feel the warmth of her fingers when she touchs me. It seems do real.

Last night she I felt her crawl into bed with me, I could feel her lifting the blanket to get next to me, I felt her put her arm around me...I literally felt her there. But when I reached out to touch her, my hand went through her, she like...I dont know, faded away in front of me. The time before when I saw her, she was sitting on the edge of my bed, playing with the zippo I have on my nightstand...I could feel the heat from it.

I've seen her before, just for for a second or two. But this just seems real, I can feel her, I've even touched her before. It seems too real to not be crazy.

 

[Stranger1]

Your doctor could be right.. When you don't get any sleep you can start hallcuenating..Been there done that..Are you seeing a shrink?? Are you on any meds?? I was seeing shadows all the time and my shrink put me on a med for skyzophrenia and The shadows I was seeing all the time have pretty much gone away.. I still get a few that shoot across in front of me..Have your doctor refer you to a shrink and see what they say..

 

[Maaso]

No, I cant afford a shrink. I'm on some kind of antidepressant, the generic Zoloft. Sertraline or whatever, and something for blood pressure. And I take about 30 Excedrin a day. And VAULT!. I love VAULT!

 

[BriGuy]

30 excedrin is way too many... you could be eating your stomach up, or causing other internal damage!

As for a shrink, check with your local colleges... most offer services for their training... someone about to graduate, not brand new. Like here at UNLV, they offer services to those without insurance for like $5-15 per visit... but they also say "no one will be turned away for inability to pay"... you might be able to find something similar!

And most drug companies offer special programs for those without insurance, so you may qualify for free meds too!

 

[Maaso]

I honestly dont care if its eating away at my stomach, because I cant feel it. I can however, feel my the pressure in my head about to make me bleed from the ears, an Excedrin or two ever hour seems to keep the pounding to a minimum.

As for the college thing, I am returning to school in August. Not a big, well known university. But a small, QUIET little community college. I am hoping they offer counseling or something of the sort.

 

[BriGuy]

Even if you aren't a student attending... here you don't have to BE a student... so you don't HAVE to wait until August. Check into it.

As for the excedrin.. I know you don't 'care'... but remember, it could be causing damage, that could BECOME extremely PAINFUL! And could cause internal damage that could lead to other issues... issues you would be LIVING with that could be very uncomfortable or painful! You may not care right this minute... but you will care if it causes damage! Just be careful!

 

[Maaso]

I dont think I will ever see August.

 

[BriGuy]

:console:

There isn't a whole lot I can say tonight... I am a complete wreck myself, can't stop crying, and debating whether to give in, give up... all I can say is I wish you felt better... I wish we all felt better. :hug:

 

[Maaso]

... all I can say is I wish you felt better...

Its been so long, if ever.....I dont think I would know how to deal with it.

 

[Maaso]

I'm saw her again last night. I was actually sleeping this time...I woke up in the middle of the night like I do. She was with me in bed, she turned to me, and said my name. I grabbed her head with both of my hands, pulled her into me, gave her a kiss on her forehead and told her I loved her. She told me I cant love her, and got a sad look on her face. She took my hand and rubbed it on her cheek, and let a tear run down her face. She crawled up close to me, I put my are around her and fell back asleep. She was gone when I woke up.

I dont know if this was a dream, or another delusion. Its getting hard to tell the difference anymore.