Talking in a forum was recommended to me but I never thought I actually would, as I always felt silly but after reading other people's stories I thought it would help even to just share some of my thoughts. So, I hate myself. I can't stand the sight of myself. I don't recognise myself but maybe that's because I don't know who I am. All I know is every day I try to ignore the darkness that I feel overcomes me, consumes me all the time. The depression has got worse over the past months and I didn't know who talk to or what to do. Even though I have friends and family that care, I can't tell them that I want to die. I have tried to kill myself before and failed, much like everything else. So instead of talking to people I smile and try to ignore it but I'm not sure I can. When the thoughts turn to plans it becomes harder to ignore. So I guess I'm just wondering how it can get better ? If nothing makes me happy and I see no point.