I'm not okay

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Shannøn444, Jul 1, 2016.

  1. Shannøn444

    Shannøn444 Active Member

    Talking in a forum was recommended to me but I never thought I actually would, as I always felt silly but after reading other people's stories I thought it would help even to just share some of my thoughts.
    So, I hate myself. I can't stand the sight of myself. I don't recognise myself but maybe that's because I don't know who I am. All I know is every day I try to ignore the darkness that I feel overcomes me, consumes me all the time. The depression has got worse over the past months and I didn't know who talk to or what to do. Even though I have friends and family that care, I can't tell them that I want to die. I have tried to kill myself before and failed, much like everything else. So instead of talking to people I smile and try to ignore it but I'm not sure I can. When the thoughts turn to plans it becomes harder to ignore. So I guess I'm just wondering how it can get better ? If nothing makes me happy and I see no point.
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi S
    Hello Shannon and welcome to the forums. You have come to the right place, we understand what you are going through, many of us have been there ourselves. I think you should hold on and get medication and therapy. How old are you Shannon? I don't think you should let the dark consume you any longer, you seem like a nice person and things CAN get better. Please keep opening up to us. Best wishes :)
     
  3. Shannøn444

    Shannøn444 Active Member

    Thank you. I'm 15, I have been attending short term therapy and have a few appointments but as there is a waiting list I'm not sure how long it will take before I get any help- which is why talking in a forum was recommended.
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Oh good, it's good you are attending therapy, is it helping any bit? And am very glad you decided to join us here at SF. Only 15 :( you poor thing. I'm lynn, 27. you can talk to me any time you want ((hugs)) things WILL get better, believe in yourself. How are your grades at school? Do you have many friends in school?
     
  5. Shannøn444

    Shannøn444 Active Member

    Thank you. The therapy was only short term and I was only allowed a certain amount of sessions, they were helping abit but nothing seems to really work. Now that I'm not sure if I will get any other form of help I felt this was kind of my last hope really. My grades are okay but I'm kind of perfectionist I guess and want to achieve more than I can which is quite frustrating. I also don't see the point in trying because I know I'm going to fail and don't plan on having a future overall. I have quite a few friends but I'm always worried that if I don't act happy or in a certain way they will leave so I don't really feel I'm able to talk to them.
     
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Do your parents know how you feel hun? I'd advise trying to get into more therapy. Glad to hear your grades aren't suffering due to your mental health. Please DO plan on having a future, just 'cos you feel the way you do now doesn't mean you will feel that way in a few years time. Also glad to hear you have a good few friends, focus on bettering yourself, do whatever needs doing and please know we are always here for you. Just out of curiosity do you have a diagnosis?
     
  7. Shannøn444

    Shannøn444 Active Member

    My parents know that I'm not happy but I'm not sure they completely understand or even want to. I have found it harder to concentrate recently but that's all. I have an appointment on Wednesday to receive a diagnosis but I may have to wait awhile.
     
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Take it each day as it comes and don't be afraid of the future. I hope your appointment on wednesday goes better than expected, please keep us updated and let us know how it goes. Are you able to talk to your parents about mental health issues? It would really help if you could!! *hugs*
     
  9. Shannøn444

    Shannøn444 Active Member

    Thank you for your help. My mum is in hospital right now and I feel like I can't talk to my dad as it will only add to the stress and problems he already has.
     
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    See.... you are a kind and thoughtful person, you are putting others first. I am sorry to hear your mom is in hospital hun. Wait for your appointment on wednesday and see how that goes, until then just use distractions to get through the day (hugs)