I'm not okay

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by purplefizz, Oct 20, 2008.

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  1. purplefizz

    purplefizz Senior Member

    I haven't posted on this forum in a while, well a few weeks, but I've been browsing. I don't know what to say. I can't express the way I feel to anyone. I'm feeling inadequate and apathetic. I guess that's pretty typical of me, but it's deep in my heart. I don't know. No matter how the situations in my life change (and they have; I've been hanging out with people more and getting more involved in the community), the way I feel remains constant.

    I still find solace in my suicidal thoughts. I think about it in class. I think - geez, I don't need to do this, I'll be dead soon. I do feel that I'll be dead soon. I don't know what it is, but death is coming. I feel it. I'm having a really tough time right now and I'm sick of living for others. I've even tried to open up to some of my friends, but they don't care. They don't understand. We're not even that close and I'm not one to expose myself. It leaves me feeling vulnerable and embarrassed. I'm hurting inside and no one sees it, but it's not only that. It's that no one cares.

    I've got nothing to live for anymore. I should be living for myself, but I don't want to. I want to die. I also wish I could express myself, but people don't feel things the way I do. I see the world differently. I know there are others like myself, but compared to the general population, I'm just a sensitive little bitch. I have so many feelings and I don't know where they all come from. I can't "keep on keepin' on" like everyone else. It scares me how seriously I think about suicide; I think I'm going to do it. It's scary and exciting all at the same time.

    Dunno what I'm looking for. Thanks for reading if you did.
  2. I read it all. And I feel like this too. It would be hypocritical of me in my current state to offer words of support, to say everything is going to be roses, but I can honestly say you are not the only one that feels like you have described.
  3. shadowheart

    shadowheart Well-Known Member

    i read it all. and i can really relate.

    i hav often felt that life has no point and im just waiting for all my loved ones to die and fade away and for my life to end...and that nothing i do between now and then has meaning.....and i know what you mean about saying that you feel things differenty to other people....i do too.....i dont understand how they can believe they are alive...when i can see that they are just wasting time till they die....

    i know you dont want to live.....but i dont know...try...you will find something to live for
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