I'm just crazy I haven't taken my meds in a week, maybe less, maybe more, and before that it was sporadic and occasional. I can't stop thinking, I can't think. I can't take them, they're bad, I don't want them inside me. They don't like me. I feel so frantic right now, I can't stop crying. I just want to sleep, but when I do, it's just full of dead things and the dark scares me. I'm not making myself throw up, I ate today, I don't cut or burn or bruise anymore, I tell myself I'm good, but there's something I can't fix, I can't talk. I can't say what I need but I need something. I feel like I'm not there. I'm not here, I don't know where I am. I'm not angry or sad I'm just hysterical. I was talking to M on the phone and I couldn't stop laughing, and I know I was scaring her, but I missed her, but I couldn't feel anything. I don't want to go to work, I don't want to go to class, I don't want to study, I don't want to look anyone in the eye. I don't want to hit another bottom. I can't tell anyone because whenever I try to my mind goes bland and everything's fine, I have to prove to everyone that I'm doing fine on my own and I made the right decision and I can take care of myself and do something with my worthless confused life. I have to prove everyone wrong, that I can do things on my own I can stand on my own two feet, I don't want everyone to look at me and think they knew me just because they know that I'll do the same f-cking thing over and over and over again, I am just a cycle. I can't talk to anyone because if they look in my face they will see the demon there. I've been acting so normally, I've been keeping myself busy, so I barely have a free moment alone with my head. I'm going insane. I can't even see. Everying is just a bunch of colors, I don't know what I need. I didn't go into work because I thought I didn't have it today, and then my boss called asking where I was but I didn't pick up because I can't talk. I don't know what to do. I can't do anything. No way I can leave the house. I'm terrified. I want this all to end so bad, I don't want to be in this place, I am so trapped in my mind. I just want it all to go away.