I'm not stable enough for a relationship

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Brynden, Jun 14, 2012.

  1. Brynden

    Brynden Well-Known Member

    Last couple of months my mom has dropped hints that I should start dating again. Uh mom I'm not working right now and I don't drive at the moment so how the hell can I be in a relationship right now? I don't even have my mental health stable. I can just see how dating will work out.
  2. gloomy

    gloomy Account Closed

    You're not alone.

    I applaud your honesty, and I think that being realistic about your situation is a good thing-- you've got a good head on your shoulders, even if you do have issues.

    I've actually come to a similar conclusion… though I don't think it means avoiding relationships altogether… it mostly just means avoiding serious ones or ones where the other person has a lot of expectations about what I should be doing for them. I can't even really look after myself-- how am I ever going to be a provider/father/alpha/whatever??? Even the working out isn't going to change that… it doesn't matter if I'm doing 200 pushups every morning when I can't even function in basic situations.

    The best I could probably hope for is a lot of shallow, short-term relationships… because anything more is just too demanding, too difficult, and too much work. What kind of life would I be able to provide for a child? Or a wife? Not a very good one. I don't really blame anyone for rejecting me-- I'd reject me too. At the same time, I still want to get laid, or to be able to talk to someone, or just have a friend who will really listen and not judge me for being the way I am…

    I don't really mean to hijack your thread here with my own problems, but it's sort of a trend on this site anyways and maybe you'll be able to relate to what I'm saying.
  3. PJLane

    PJLane Well-Known Member

    i know, how are you meant to date when you are depressed? its so all consuming and most people are not comfortable with it. i recently met someone who liked me and vice versa but it was impossible because depression consumes my life and you just run out of things to talk about apart from that.
  4. Brynden

    Brynden Well-Known Member

    I have two failed relationships behind me. (Semi-friends with the ex-hubby for our son's sake) I don't even shave my legs if I can get away with it. I mean yes a relationship would be nice. I just can't handle one right now until I can get some meds in my system.
  5. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I don't think I'm stable enough for a relationship either, even though I seem to rush into them. You need to take some time to yourself and not worry about other peoples opinions. Only you know what truly is best for you.
  6. gloomy

    gloomy Account Closed

    For some people, believing this can cause a lot of problems. Some people know what's best for them, and some people really, really don't. I'd say more don't than do.

    Sometimes what you think is best for you is actually bad for not only you, but also for other people.

    It's not like people get into relationships because they're thinking about what makes sense... actually, other people are probably more likely to have a better perspective on what's best for you-- assuming they're not clueless, that is.
  7. Tashok

    Tashok Member

    As long as you're honest about what you're looking for and what you're willing to provide so that nobody gets hurt, go for it. Sex is a great stress reliever and depression buster! And friends are always good; we can never have too many. Maybe a workout buddy - if you can find one to keep up with your 200 pushups! (Gotta say though, as a woman, I'd like to point out the whole men-as-alpha thing is a little fifties...)
  8. Tashok

    Tashok Member

    You're totally right. It's way too easy to fall into unhealthy patterns if you're not ready to be dating. You have to be healthy and happy with yourself before you can really have a good, fulfilling partnership. And you know what? If you decide you're happiest single, that's okay too! You don't HAVE to be in a romantic relationship to be happy and whole. I think the Dalai Lama is the happiest person in the world, and he's *never* had a relationship! If you *do* decide you're ready, and meet the right person (someone not scared off by mental health struggles or trying to 'save' or manipulate you) I'm betting you're going to be an amazing partner. Very few people in our society have the internal strength to stick to singlehood even when they know it's the best thing for them right now.

    Your mom loves you and wants you to be happy - but unfortunately she can only guess what you need based on her life, her feelings, and her hopes and expectations for you. I know how hard it is, moms can exert a lot of pressure even without meaning to, and we love our moms and want them to be happy. Hopefully soon she'll come around and realize that you're a very smart, strong, and self-aware person and give you the space and support you need. Until then, good luck! It sounds like you're on the right track.
  9. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I don't think I'll ever be ready for a relationship...I've been depressed and on my own for so long...I don't shave my legs either...or my armpit....I'm lucky if I wash myself every two days...I don't wear make up anymore, and my hair is short...I don't wear jewelry and I only wear comfy clothes...so it's not like I'm going to meet a guy anytime soon...

    I've tried dating while depressed and that doesn't help at all...it demands too much energy and often people seem to see you as desperate or something...at least that's how it was with me...
  10. Brynden

    Brynden Well-Known Member

    I've never been a make-up person. When I worked for the Texas prison system it was better not to wear it. I spent most of my time on the floor of the housing areas and I spent a lot time sweating. I usually keep my hair short but it's grown out since I did a buzz cut a year ago. When I can I'm going to get a pixie cut. I also never dress up. If it's not comfy I won't wear it. I have nice clothes that are comfy. I only wear those when I decide to go to church. No jewelry. I do wear the occasional watch. I do have dating profiles but I have been non-committal with some of the guys that have shown serious interest.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 15, 2012
  11. Brynden

    Brynden Well-Known Member

    So my ex husband and I were talking about this a bit. I still have feelings for him but he's getting married for the 4th time and wanted to make sure I was okay with it. I was like I know what place I"m in at this point. I know I don't need a relationship because of all my issues. Yeah I'm not completely over you but you have moved on and I'm okay with that.