People keep expecting me to be this scholar and I try to meet everyone's expectations just because I've got nothing better to do. I'm never good enough for my dad though considering although I graduated high school a year early, I'm not so amazing because I didn't raise enough to go to the college I got accepted to -the only one I applied for, the private institution- so I have to take a year off. And everyone else comments on how smart I am with my school work and how I can solve anything but then they turn right around and talk to me like I"m ignorant over the simplest of things. Like, I don't keep up with football or tv shows because I don't see them as relevant. So my friends get onto me because they're preaching how the things we learn in school wont apply in the real world and it's all going to waste any ways. Even though everything I've learned so far -YES, EVERYTHING even Pythagorean Theorem, thanks- because I want to be an engineer, making innovations in renewable resources, specifically hydroelectricity. So I take school seriously and find everyone in my grade to be condescending jerks who don't know when to keep their mouths shut. What set me off tonight was that one of my friends tried to get onto me cause I occasionally smoke cigarettes. My friends have gotten onto me before - several try to convince me to smoke weed instead because it's better for you. He kept talking about how I was going to get caught and how it was so bad for my health and how I was just going to shave years off of my life and all the while this is going on I'm like You're EXACTLY right. My dad smoked for years and I was a second hand smoker for 11 years and when he wasn't drunk and I could smell the heavy cloud of smoke, that amde me feel better because I knew he wasn't going to yell at anyone for the time being. SO I like the smell of smoke and I don't care about it shaving off years and to leave me alone because I understand the consequences. And now he's trying to tell me that it's unlawful and I should watch out and I'm like it's not going to be any different in four months when I can pay for them on my own and he just stops and says wait I missed something. I wanted to scream at him What the FUCK do you think I'm smoking? And he proceeded to be an idiot and fumble around not making any sense then go to bed. I smoke so that I don't flipping cut anymore. I don't even know how long I am clean. I just wish people would stop telling me what to do. I would be out of this fucking house by now if I wasn't worried for my brother. It's getting close to the holidays and I know my dad is going to flip soon. And my mom makes me feel like shit every time I talk about how I'm ready to get out and then that goes into the conversations about how I shouldn't want to get out too fast. Yeah, I'd miss them but they don't do anything with me anyways and that's what I miss. They plan things when I'm not around and when I am, they don't do anything and then get mad that I'm out all the time. I'm just really tired of people trying to tell me that what I'm doing is wrong and I don't know what I'm doing. If I'm smart enough in school don't you think I'd do my research on what I want to do like cigarettes and leaving home and what not? The faith is severely slacking.