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I'm not sure about anything.

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Its sunday. 29th May - or however its said correctly.

In 6 days i'm turning 18 years old - and just like that i'm supposed to be grown up and knowing. In August i'm starting on a new school, far from home. I'm scared. Like, REALLY scared. I'm not sure .. I cant be on my own. I may be turning 18, but i'm still 12 on the inside. I dont know ANYTHING. What am I supposed to do in life - live or die? I'm so scared all the time, i'm mad .. but mostly im sad. Nobody seems to notice, they all think i'm just .. i dont know, angry or childish. I dont have anyone. No one to talk to, no one really understands - and when I tried talking to my friend she couldnt make it more clear that she was judging me. Life. I dont get it. Not sure anybody does - not even the "smart" ones.
:zombie: feel like i just walk around half dead all the time. I'm always in my room. Havent been going to a school or job since February. I'm a loner - thats certain. I like being alone - or with animals. Well, rather pets maybe.
My mom .. Actually, everybody, they all keep pointing out everything thats wrong with me - and I mean everything. Not sure why im writting here, but its just been more and more scary - everything. I dont want my childhood to end - and i dont wanna leave the safety of my home. I'm on the edge of tears all the time.

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
Time to tell your mother this okay write a letter leave if for her okay If you are not ready then you should not go. Many kids your age are feeling the same way hun You are not alone in feeling afraid some kids mature sooner then others you may have to wait a year that all before feeling ready. If you do go just know you are not the only one afraid okay and there will be plenty of councillors teachers at your school who you can talk to hugs

Lady E

Well-Known Member
I know this all seems really scary, it's such a large time of transition. It's not that you are expected to change or grow up, maybe it's just time for you to grow.It seems like you are unhappy in your current situation so maybe the change of going to a new school that is far away will give you room and space. Maybe you can meet new people who will at least try to understand you without judgement.
It's okay to be mad, sad, and scared this is a huge adjustment period in your life. Sometimes your mother and other people may seem critical but they want the best for you. Like Eclipse said maybe writing her a letter that says how you are feeling about the way she communicates with you, about how afraid you are.
You seem very articulate and mature to me just like you are going through a very rough patch. Do you or have you thought about maybe talking to a counselor about your feelings?
This particular chapter in your life may be transitioning into another one but it doesn't mean you are losing things. Just gaining a lot of great things along with responsibilities.
If you ever need someone to talk to send me a pm!


Well-Known Member
When I was 18 I felt the same way. What's funny is alot of people say once your 18 your an adult, but no one treats you like an adult until your like 25. And when I was 18 I still felt very young inside. The reason why I rarely ask others for advice is because most of the time they use their own fears and insecurities to judge you. My mother always says go to college, because if you don't go no one will care about you and you will be homeless. She speaks from experience yet there are many people who went to college, who were conned/robbed or layed off and now have to face the same fate. I'm not saying anything against college i'm just saying it's good example of what people really are doing when they are judging. Just remember if people are judging you ask yourself why, 9 out of 10 times it's because of some insecurity they have.

Hope you enjoy your birthday by the way.
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