do this anymore. I've started to self-harm again because of the loss of my son, and it just hurts so much that I will never be able to see him again. He was such a good boy. He and I just barely bonded when he was torn out of my life by my exwife saying that I was going to kill her and our sons, and everyone in the house at the time. She never knew what happened to me, and only my second wife knows. They both have protective orders. They both feel I am a threat. That's fine. When my kids come of age, they will find me... only I will be 6 feet underground.