I'm not sure what to say here....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by SummerSecret, Jul 4, 2011.

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  1. SummerSecret

    SummerSecret New Member

    So I'm fairly new to talking about this sort of thing...... I've been planning to kill myself now for a while, I guess I've basically ruined my life on purpose, I left my boyfriend a while back, most of my friends stopped calling me a while ago..... I just want to distance myself first, I don't want to hurt anyone but what other option is there? I ruined my life a long time ago anyways, and the memories I live with everyday of my life are so bad that I wouldn't want to post them here. Everyone who ever really loved me is dead and the people left in my life just leave or use me until there's nothing left to take anymore. I feel so empty and so cold all the time. So I guess I'm here hoping that someone else understands how I feel. I don't want to be hurt anymore, I don't want to be alone but I don't want to get close enough to hurt anyone else or to be hurt anymore.....
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi Summer sounds like you are deep in depression hun that what one does isolates pushes people away when they need them most I hope you reach out hun before you get any deeper Call your doctor okay get some help for you You get councilling for whatever it is you believe destroyed you and you heal and move forward okay It can be done hun Keep posting okay we are seeing you and we care. You are not alone now.
     
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hi Summer,
    I agree, your not alone anymore.. You are part of our little family..You really should see a therapist.. They can help you put your life back in perspective..You might have to go thru a couple until you find one you click with..If money is an issue, most of them work on a sliding pay scale..Your not invisable here so please keep posting..
     
  4. SummerSecret

    SummerSecret New Member

    Ya I don't know, I've been med free for about a year now, I drink alot lately, I've thought about just taking these pills, their leftovers from when I used to actually care about getting better, I tried to call my boyfriend last night and he just said I was being selfish. He's right, i am a very selfish person. Over the last 5 years I've been hospitalized several times for clinical depression, I've tried a litany of anti-depressants, anti anxiety meds. I have attempted to kill myself twice before, the first time I was in icu for 6 days and on a psych ward for about two weeks......the second time they just pumped my stomach and sent me home. I'm just sick of living this way and I don't want to go through the process of therapy and drugs again, it never helps me. I'm sorry to go off, I appreciate the support. It seems like it might be easier to talk to others who know what wanting to die feels like.....
     
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