I think I'm gay, and I hate it. I think about my future and it all looks so hopeless....even if i meet someone (big if, btw) ill never be able to show him off to my family, or go to reunions or visit for the holiday or whatever....most of my family would hate me if they knew, and even those who do know are kind of meh about it... i brought these concerns up with my dad....he told me "well, i think whoever you partner with is a private issue" (read: i don't want to know) and "as long as it doesn't recruit my other children..." (read: don't ever let the rest of the family know)... I've thought about killing myself so many times. Running into a car or whatever....because nothing is going to change. ive tried so hard not to be gay, to try to get in with a woman or whatever, but it just doesnt work. since nothing is going to change, why should i keep living? sometimes when i think about the issue, i just feel so ashamed and disgusted and i want to cut myself or whatever.....why should i keep doing everything in my life if nothing will alter for the better? nobody can help, and thats the big problem. ive talked with so mayn people, but the advice they give is useless, because ultimately it is something that has to come from within me, but nothing is going to happen.... im just so tired of it all.