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I'm not thinking clearly, please help me make a job decision

Juella

Well-Known Member
#1
Hello, everyone! I was faced with a serious decision that I need to make my tomorrow and I don't feel able to do it. I would really appreciate advice.

Currently, I am kind of stuck between jobs. I used to have a teaching job where my contract would be renewed in summer, before the beginning of each new academic year. My last year's contract expired on June 30th, and instead of being offered a new one I was informed that the company isn't sure they want to keep me and basically told me to wait for their decision. Since things were already going downhill for a while by then, instead of sitting on my hands and waiting, I started looking for a new job immediately and warned my management that since they aren't going to offer me any employment for the next 2 months and can't guarantee me anything, I can't promise them I'll be around for the next academic year either. Their response was "fine, then you're fired". I got a job offer in the mid-July, and started training for a new job July 22nd. Things seemed to be clear, until last Thursday, when I received a call from my old job. I was contacted by a manager that immediately started talking me into accepting...increased workload starting with September 5th? Apparently, no one in the current management is aware I am "fired" or even that I wasn't given a new contract back in June, much less why it happened, because most of the management was either fired or quit abruptly in the last two months, and things are utterly chaotic there. The manager I was talking to sounded very stressed out, and demanded that I accept the workload and come sign a contract by Tuesday (tomorrow) or they will hire a replacement, seemingly refusing to believe that I have another job with conflicting hours. So now I am sort of stuck in between and I need to make a final decision by tomorrow.

So option 1 - quitting my old job and sticking with the new one. The problem is, I am on probation until October 22nd and my performance kind of sucks, so I am afraid they will end up deciding not to proceed working with me and I will end up unemployed. And even if I pass probation, I really feel like I am shit at this new job, honestly. My self-confidence plummeted in general, because now I can clearly see that my cognitive abilities were drastically affected and learning new things is incredibly hard, which is something I attribute to the fact I suffered brain damage in a failed attempt back in 2017.

Option 2 - quitting my new job and returning to the old one. I have a better chance at sticking with that job for a while, considering there is a severe shortage of workers there at the moment. But there were reasons why I agreed to being fired from it in the first place. With the combination of my significantly declined health and their significantly worsened work conditions, the job became almost unbearable over the last year. There are certain requirements at my old job that I am now simply physically incapable to fulfill, and while my old boss knew about my issues and was understanding, the new boss gives me vibes of a person that isn't going to think twice before firing me for it once he notices. So that is not super reliable either, and pretty hard on top.

Option 3 - negotiate to keep both jobs. Would require me to work over 80 hours a week. Might risk that, but that might result in serious health issues and both jobs have a very poor attitude towards getting sick leave, bad enough that getting in a hospital would most likely result in losing both jobs. Not to mention I am kind of at risk of a stroke and I'm afraid 80+ hour work week is not very safe for that.

I really need outside input, because my thinking isn't clear at all now. I am in significant physical pain, I haven't ate since Thursday and pain makes me unable to sleep for more that 2 hours in a row, so I haven't slept much either. Right now a thought of working anywhere feels unbearable and I am just suicidal. But I've been here before and I know I need to decide something. Any advice?

P.S. I'm sorry this is so long.
 

WildCherry

Owner Emeritus
#2
It's really hard offering advice in a situation like this, because we don't know much about either job or what your capabilities are. If I had to make this decision for myself, I'd probably lean toward the new job, because things at the old one sound pretty chaotic. Is there no chance for you to continue searching for a job until you find one you feel more able to do?
 

Paisley

* * *
SF Artist
SF Supporter
#3
I would say to take the new job simply because your old one doesn't value you at all. They're now "demanding" you come back?? They're not the ones with the upper hand here.

Are you saying your performance at this new job sucks because of feedback you've gotten from others there? Or are you saying that because of mental illness lowering your self-esteem?

Another thought I'm having is that if you do end up getting fired from the new job during probation (big if)... if the school is as desperate as you say then it's possible they'd re-hire you back afterwards regardless.
 

lifetalkz

Well-Known Member
#4
Hello, everyone! I was faced with a serious decision that I need to make my tomorrow and I don't feel able to do it. I would really appreciate advice.

Currently, I am kind of stuck between jobs. I used to have a teaching job where my contract would be renewed in summer, before the beginning of each new academic year. My last year's contract expired on June 30th, and instead of being offered a new one I was informed that the company isn't sure they want to keep me and basically told me to wait for their decision. Since things were already going downhill for a while by then, instead of sitting on my hands and waiting, I started looking for a new job immediately and warned my management that since they aren't going to offer me any employment for the next 2 months and can't guarantee me anything, I can't promise them I'll be around for the next academic year either. Their response was "fine, then you're fired". I got a job offer in the mid-July, and started training for a new job July 22nd. Things seemed to be clear, until last Thursday, when I received a call from my old job. I was contacted by a manager that immediately started talking me into accepting...increased workload starting with September 5th? Apparently, no one in the current management is aware I am "fired" or even that I wasn't given a new contract back in June, much less why it happened, because most of the management was either fired or quit abruptly in the last two months, and things are utterly chaotic there. The manager I was talking to sounded very stressed out, and demanded that I accept the workload and come sign a contract by Tuesday (tomorrow) or they will hire a replacement, seemingly refusing to believe that I have another job with conflicting hours. So now I am sort of stuck in between and I need to make a final decision by tomorrow.

So option 1 - quitting my old job and sticking with the new one. The problem is, I am on probation until October 22nd and my performance kind of sucks, so I am afraid they will end up deciding not to proceed working with me and I will end up unemployed. And even if I pass probation, I really feel like I am shit at this new job, honestly. My self-confidence plummeted in general, because now I can clearly see that my cognitive abilities were drastically affected and learning new things is incredibly hard, which is something I attribute to the fact I suffered brain damage in a failed attempt back in 2017.

Option 2 - quitting my new job and returning to the old one. I have a better chance at sticking with that job for a while, considering there is a severe shortage of workers there at the moment. But there were reasons why I agreed to being fired from it in the first place. With the combination of my significantly declined health and their significantly worsened work conditions, the job became almost unbearable over the last year. There are certain requirements at my old job that I am now simply physically incapable to fulfill, and while my old boss knew about my issues and was understanding, the new boss gives me vibes of a person that isn't going to think twice before firing me for it once he notices. So that is not super reliable either, and pretty hard on top.

Option 3 - negotiate to keep both jobs. Would require me to work over 80 hours a week. Might risk that, but that might result in serious health issues and both jobs have a very poor attitude towards getting sick leave, bad enough that getting in a hospital would most likely result in losing both jobs. Not to mention I am kind of at risk of a stroke and I'm afraid 80+ hour work week is not very safe for that.

I really need outside input, because my thinking isn't clear at all now. I am in significant physical pain, I haven't ate since Thursday and pain makes me unable to sleep for more that 2 hours in a row, so I haven't slept much either. Right now a thought of working anywhere feels unbearable and I am just suicidal. But I've been here before and I know I need to decide something. Any advice?

P.S. I'm sorry this is so long.
My advice is very simple-I'd go back to the old job. I also struggle with long term consequences of my "mental health struggles", I would be a disaster at training for some new position somewhere. I often have a very difficult time focusing and I still struggle with major anxiety at times. As hectic as everything is, if I were in your shoes, I'd go back to what you know how to do and get out of the new job. Good luck to you-LT
 
#5
It's hard to know what to advise, since there are a lot of ups and downs with any decision.

It doesn't sound like a good idea to be forced into making any decision that you are unsure about. It sounds like your old job is being very pushy, and that's not a good sign. Being pushed into taking on additional workload if you had a breakdown previously sounds especially bad.
Apparently, no one in the current management is aware I am "fired" or even that I wasn't given a new contract back in June, much less why it happened
That no one was aware that you were fired points to either dishonesty or extreme disorganization. It's not good either way. I suspect they could be lying, if they are under pressure to hire teachers.

I would say it would be better to say no to your old job at this point. Like Paisley mentioned, if there's a strong demand for experienced teachers, you'll probably still have chances to either teach at your old job or teach elsewhere, if that's what you decide.

Going back to teaching sounds like it could be good, since you mentioned that you loved teaching once, at least. There could be other jobs in the Ukraine, or possibly jobs outside the Ukraine if that's something that you want to look into.

You'll probably be able to make a decision if you get a chance to eat and sleep.
 

Juella

Well-Known Member
#6
Thank you so much for your insights, everyone!

Is there no chance for you to continue searching for a job until you find one you feel more able to do?
That would be awesome, but unfortunately I am already at the stage where I am literally going hungry, can't buy medication, and I have to pay rent on top. Right now things look too hopeless for that.

Are you saying your performance at this new job sucks because of feedback you've gotten from others there? Or are you saying that because of mental illness lowering your self-esteem?
Well...it's hard to tell, honestly. People are very nice to me. The most common form of feedback I receive is "Okay, show me what you've done so far...oh well, it's okay, let me fix it/finish it for you though". Sounds suspiciously similar to feedback I, as a teacher, used to give to children that tried hard but still had abysmal results, and on top of that were sensitive and likely to start crying even over small criticism. So I kind of feel like that kind of a student, except a full-grown adult. It's not impossible that I am misinterpreting things, but lately I am starting to feel kind of bitter and annoyed about another new girl that is on probation with me, because she keeps telling me how she is bored because she got everything done and now has nothing to do, and how everything is easy and she wants more serious tasks. Meanwhile I put in extra two hours of work every day by coming in early, leaving late and skipping lunch, do work in my free time, work as hard I can and still can't get things right and on time. So probably it's not just my self-esteem talking...

That no one was aware that you were fired points to either dishonesty or extreme disorganization. It's not good either way. I suspect they could be lying, if they are under pressure to hire teachers.
I get where you come from, but I wouldn't be surprised if they genuinely don't know. Things were disorganized even before the whole breakdown this summer, and now there are only 2 people in management for 6 positions that should normally be filled and they both were with the company for under 6 months, a bunch of paper records suspiciously disappeared after the old principal got fired for shady reasons, and almost all digital records were destroyed by the pissed off IT guy right before he quit his job. I am honestly surprised they're functioning at all.
 
#8
That would be awesome, but unfortunately I am already at the stage where I am literally going hungry, can't buy medication, and I have to pay rent on top. Right now things look too hopeless for that.
Returning to the old job doesn't sound good, but at least it starts September 5, which is closer than the planned restart of your other job.
 

Juella

Well-Known Member
#10
What does your 'gut' tell you?
To take a third option, chose nothing because all options suck and just end my life. Which is why I am trying not to listen to it.

Returning to the old job doesn't sound good, but at least it starts September 5, which is closer than the planned restart of your other job.
I am actually getting paid while on probation. It's just that due to the way salary system works in post-soviet countries, I am not going to actually receive my salary for this month until about the middle of September. And if I restart my old job on September 5th I will only get paid for it around the middle of October. Oh, and due to the way my job contracts are made, if I get fired before I make it to the payday, I might just never receive my last months salary, it becomes a matter of my employers ethics.

Sooo the manager from my old job called today and I just didn't pick up and didn't call back. Feel way too low and exhausted to have this conversation today. I think I will call back tomorrow and tell her that for the time being I will not be able to accept any workload, and let her decide whether that means I'm fired now. I really can't do this anymore, I give up.
 
#11
@Juella , it sounds like you've handled this about as well as you can.

It sounds like getting food and medicine in the short term would help a lot. Maybe we could help you make a plan to do that? Are there friends or family that could loan you some until you get paid?
 

Paisley

* * *
SF Artist
SF Supporter
#12
Well...it's hard to tell, honestly. People are very nice to me. The most common form of feedback I receive is "Okay, show me what you've done so far...oh well, it's okay, let me fix it/finish it for you though". Sounds suspiciously similar to feedback I, as a teacher, used to give to children that tried hard but still had abysmal results, and on top of that were sensitive and likely to start crying even over small criticism. So I kind of feel like that kind of a student, except a full-grown adult. It's not impossible that I am misinterpreting things, but lately I am starting to feel kind of bitter and annoyed about another new girl that is on probation with me, because she keeps telling me how she is bored because she got everything done and now has nothing to do, and how everything is easy and she wants more serious tasks. Meanwhile I put in extra two hours of work every day by coming in early, leaving late and skipping lunch, do work in my free time, work as hard I can and still can't get things right and on time. So probably it's not just my self-esteem talking...
You're definitely putting a lot of effort into your current job and I imagine your managers and coworkers appreciate that. In my experience, others you work with can usually tell when you're really putting effort in. It sounds like you're doing a good job, just with some room for improvement, you know? Most people are not good at new tasks right off the bat... it's trial and error. So, as long as you take note of what adjustments others are adding to your work that makes it go from good to perfect, I think you'll be okay.

I am actually getting paid while on probation. It's just that due to the way salary system works in post-soviet countries, I am not going to actually receive my salary for this month until about the middle of September. And if I restart my old job on September 5th I will only get paid for it around the middle of October. Oh, and due to the way my job contracts are made, if I get fired before I make it to the payday, I might just never receive my last months salary, it becomes a matter of my employers ethics.

Sooo the manager from my old job called today and I just didn't pick up and didn't call back. Feel way too low and exhausted to have this conversation today. I think I will call back tomorrow and tell her that for the time being I will not be able to accept any workload, and let her decide whether that means I'm fired now. I really can't do this anymore, I give up.
If staying in your current job will let you get paid a month sooner than going back to your old one, that's a totally valid reason to stick with it for now. To me you made the best decision you could have given the circumstances.
 
#13
always remember that perfect is the enemy of good. If you start using that phrase at work, it can make a difference.

I also find it helps to use this terminology for 'complainers' at work:
It sounds like you’re frustrated right now. Do you need to vent or do you want to make a plan?

It also helps to know that some people just want to help, but there are certain types of people who fall into this category of just wanting to complain and use your work to leapfrog. Remember when you are doing some work, you can always spend 5 minutes critiquing it and doing exactly what they did. That's where perfect is the enemy of good comes from. People who try and improve your work usually have feelings of low self worth as well, but want to make themselves feel better by 'improving' on what you did. Just take it in that way, and remember to ask them for constructive feedback to make them feel good. And thank them for it. When you do that, they feel good, and you can make yourself feel good.

A study at Stanford University showed that complaining shrinks the hippocampus, an area of the brain necessary for problem-solving and emotion regulation.

Just some stuff to redirect you a little. You seem to have your head screwed on and sleeping on it will always make a decision clearer, especially with the pros and cons and options you have laid out and gotten additional feedback on.

You got this! Breathe, relax, listen to some music - whatever you do to relax and keep a clear head.

I can tell you are a strong person, not a quitter. Better days are ahead even though it seems hard to see them. Really. I've been there and you can find happiness in the most unlikely places. Hang in there Juella.
 

Juella

Well-Known Member
#14
It sounds like getting food and medicine in the short term would help a lot. Maybe we could help you make a plan to do that?
That would be absolutely amazing. I'm just not sure if this problem is solvable at all and there can be a plan, but maybe I just don't see it...

Are there friends or family that could loan you some until you get paid?
Considering that I am not confident I will get paid at all because I am not confident my employer will want to keep me, I feel it will be irresponsible and highly unethical of me to borrow money I might not be able to pay back, especially these times when everyone is kind of screwed by the consequences of pandemic. I know it might be irrational to be more willing to resolve your financial issues with suicide rather than borrowing money, but I guess that's the way I am as a person. Oh, and I don't think anyone will loan me either. I didn't ask everyone, but I don't have close friends and my family definitely isn't going to help.

It sounds like you're doing a good job, just with some room for improvement, you know?
Thank you! You're being very kind. That is a more positive way of looking at it, for sure.

Thank you once again for your thoughtful advice, guys! I think I'll quit complaining here. Apparently it can make me even dumber, on top of annoying people :D
 

Aurelia

🔶🔸✴ 👑 ✴🔸🔶
#15
Considering you have a hard time learning new things due to a physical disability, they can't really fire you for that. You could sue them for that shit. So you need to talk to them about being more lenient or more accommodating with you as far as learning the new job better. That said, I'd try to keep the new job but also keep looking for another job in the process. The old job sounds like you'd have a miserable time trying to handle it.
 

Dark111

Scholar's Mate
SF Supporter
#16
Hello, everyone! I was faced with a serious decision that I need to make my tomorrow and I don't feel able to do it. I would really appreciate advice.

Currently, I am kind of stuck between jobs. I used to have a teaching job where my contract would be renewed in summer, before the beginning of each new academic year. My last year's contract expired on June 30th, and instead of being offered a new one I was informed that the company isn't sure they want to keep me and basically told me to wait for their decision. Since things were already going downhill for a while by then, instead of sitting on my hands and waiting, I started looking for a new job immediately and warned my management that since they aren't going to offer me any employment for the next 2 months and can't guarantee me anything, I can't promise them I'll be around for the next academic year either. Their response was "fine, then you're fired". I got a job offer in the mid-July, and started training for a new job July 22nd. Things seemed to be clear, until last Thursday, when I received a call from my old job. I was contacted by a manager that immediately started talking me into accepting...increased workload starting with September 5th? Apparently, no one in the current management is aware I am "fired" or even that I wasn't given a new contract back in June, much less why it happened, because most of the management was either fired or quit abruptly in the last two months, and things are utterly chaotic there. The manager I was talking to sounded very stressed out, and demanded that I accept the workload and come sign a contract by Tuesday (tomorrow) or they will hire a replacement, seemingly refusing to believe that I have another job with conflicting hours. So now I am sort of stuck in between and I need to make a final decision by tomorrow.

So option 1 - quitting my old job and sticking with the new one. The problem is, I am on probation until October 22nd and my performance kind of sucks, so I am afraid they will end up deciding not to proceed working with me and I will end up unemployed. And even if I pass probation, I really feel like I am shit at this new job, honestly. My self-confidence plummeted in general, because now I can clearly see that my cognitive abilities were drastically affected and learning new things is incredibly hard, which is something I attribute to the fact I suffered brain damage in a failed attempt back in 2017.

Option 2 - quitting my new job and returning to the old one. I have a better chance at sticking with that job for a while, considering there is a severe shortage of workers there at the moment. But there were reasons why I agreed to being fired from it in the first place. With the combination of my significantly declined health and their significantly worsened work conditions, the job became almost unbearable over the last year. There are certain requirements at my old job that I am now simply physically incapable to fulfill, and while my old boss knew about my issues and was understanding, the new boss gives me vibes of a person that isn't going to think twice before firing me for it once he notices. So that is not super reliable either, and pretty hard on top.

Option 3 - negotiate to keep both jobs. Would require me to work over 80 hours a week. Might risk that, but that might result in serious health issues and both jobs have a very poor attitude towards getting sick leave, bad enough that getting in a hospital would most likely result in losing both jobs. Not to mention I am kind of at risk of a stroke and I'm afraid 80+ hour work week is not very safe for that.

I really need outside input, because my thinking isn't clear at all now. I am in significant physical pain, I haven't ate since Thursday and pain makes me unable to sleep for more that 2 hours in a row, so I haven't slept much either. Right now a thought of working anywhere feels unbearable and I am just suicidal. But I've been here before and I know I need to decide something. Any advice?

P.S. I'm sorry this is so long.
The old job sounds inhuman and forcing an 80 hour work week on your self will leave you completely drained, demoralized and more dead than alive.

Are you irredeemably unhappy at your new job? Do you see anyway things might improve? I'm on 'good behavior' probation at work at the moment and it sucks a** but I've decided to just put my head down & do the work and not give them any more ammunition. It's totally doable to not get fired if you put your shoulder to the wheel now. In terms of new stuff you have to learn there, do they provide any mentorship or study groups? Maybe you could start one?

I think the worst part is not being able to make a decision on something. It just gnaws away at you and you're constantly unsettled. Do you have a time limit on when you need to make your decision?
 

Paisley

* * *
SF Artist
SF Supporter
#17
Thank you once again for your thoughtful advice, guys! I think I'll quit complaining here. Apparently it can make me even dumber, on top of annoying people :D
It can be helpful to use this forum as a sounding board to work through issues and get some third-party perspectives. Hope you come back to complain more when you need it. All the best.
 

Paisley

* * *
SF Artist
SF Supporter
#18
Some other thoughts I just had on this situation:

Employers will tell you directly if you're fucking up. They won't say "this is good but let me just fix this part", they'll say "this is not acceptable for these reasons". That's been my experience, anyway.

Also, if you don't complain (recognizing problems that exist), how are you supposed to go about addressing those problems and solving them? It's far better to vent what you're thinking than to bottle it up.
 

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