Sigh... Getting so tired of this. Been trying so hard the whole year but I just can't get my shit together no matter how hard I try. I can't get anyone to understand how much pain I'm in, if I'm just barely scraping by it seems to be okay. No further help needed. It's probably just me I know it, I'm too eager to try and please everyone. Started drinking again (3rd day in a row now), 7 months sobriety down the drain. I just don't care now. I still strongly feel that people hate me so what's the difference? At least I can escape hell for a short while. It's unbearable. The world is going to hell anyway, there's no hope for a better future. I envy the dead, they don't have to suffer.