im nothing But an idiot

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by justastrangegirl, Nov 18, 2013.

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  1. justastrangegirl

    justastrangegirl Well-Known Member

    I keep doing things i shouldnt do, keep getting involved with people or matters that are not good for me, to an extent where i become so involved that Its more painful to walk away. Its Like im programmed to choose the difficult and painful paths, being romantic, educacional or chosing my friends. Everything i do eventually Hurts me. I can only have a few days of peace and real joy, just to be crashed with deception and endless pain. Pleeeeease let it be over once and for all. I cant bear so many years of this pain and solitud. Please let me disappear. Please take me away from this world where my existence is entertwined with sorrow.
     
  2. justastrangegirl

    justastrangegirl Well-Known Member

    Don't Know Why I Expected Different
    I knew it was wrong from the very start

    I should have never let myself indulge
    In this pathetic idea of us

    But there I was, hoping to see you around the corner and when you were there my day suddenly had a purpose

    I started to need you around and couldn't help but smile when you looked at me

    I thought I had picked up on little hints from you.

    That maybe you liked being around me as much as I liked being around you

    That maybe you waited around the corner until I was there so you could "bump" into me

    God I was such an idiot!

    Of course none of it was true there were no hints, no waiting behind corners

    To be honest I'm embarrassed, you probably hated every second you were around me

    This is why I don't let these sought of things happen to me but somehow you snuck through the cracks in my armor

    And I couldn't get you out

    I really don't know why I expected any different

    Especially from you...
     
  3. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    hi. I once heard a famous therapist guy on oprah ( name: harvel Hendrix) say that we get into relationships that recreate aspects of our core relationships, as opportunity to finally heal the core relationships. aka with family. He said that often it will keep happening as opportunity to heal it, until we finally do work on it ( he was talking about counseling) to break the pattern. I bet he used to say that about 20 years ago. But I never forgot the words. They felt so true to me.

    Doesnt make the pain any less. But at least it offers a reason and solution. Even if that solution is not easy at all. I am really sorry for the pain. Its so hard to keep having this stuff happen
     
  4. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    this is a hard one to solve strange. I used to be the same way like 7 years ago.
     
  5. justastrangegirl

    justastrangegirl Well-Known Member

    And how did you change, sudut?? I seem to hurt everyone I love because I can't control my emotions :(
     
  6. cloud9

    cloud9 Well-Known Member

    It's going to be okay *hug . You'll find your knight in shining armour eventually! Sorry you had to go through this.
     
  7. justastrangegirl

    justastrangegirl Well-Known Member

    thank you cloud9 :( and you are right.. someday.. thank you for your help and support
     
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