im nothing...possible trigger

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by forever_scarred, Aug 31, 2009.

  1. forever_scarred

    forever_scarred Well-Known Member

    when i look in the mirror i wanna destroy everything i see, my whole existence...i think that if i scarred myself up enough that the pain would finally go away....well i scarred myself, i chewed, and burned and burned, and chewed and pounded...i didnt care how much it hurt, i didnt care how much i bruised or bleed...i have to destroy what i see...i have to...
    i hold all this shit in every nite and yet i look in the same mirror and see nothing...NOTHING! :cry: i have no spirit at all, it died long ago, and it keeps dying over and over every time i look at myself....
    ive been destroying myself all my life...i told everyone i was scarred from mom but i guess that isnt all of it, im scarring doing this to myself i cant leave with me....if it were anyone but me id move away but how can u move out when its in ur own mind....the beautiful soul ppl say i have is only
    the mask i wear to bury my shattered nothing...
    and that sorry existence of nothing should have faded away long before now...long before i ever came for is a non existent thing for me
    i am nothing and if they ever find me they will know i was nothing
  2. elvinchild

    elvinchild Well-Known Member

    I once felt that my spirit died but years later it came back to life. I'm glad I stuck around for it.

    My battle isn't over, lately I feel I am dying again and that's why I'm here on this forum... but my experience tells me that no matter how awful you feel and how permanent that seems, you can feel better again.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    :wub: you meg! Always here for you :smile: !
  4. Oceans

    Oceans Well-Known Member

    hugs to you