I'm obsessed about someone that never liked me, even after so many years.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Darker Than Black, Jan 23, 2009.

  1. Darker Than Black

    Darker Than Black Well-Known Member

    I used to have this female-friend I had at school, I did some crazy stuff..like asking her out..kept on flirting....I know she got scared cuz I kept on staring at her..everyday..and I found this on a forum posted by her..I thought it was kinda funny but she took it seriously..damn..I got so suicidal cuz of a bunch of other stuff and told her I tried to kill myself, she said I'm crazy and all that..now I can't stop thinking about her..its been 3 year..or four..she's stuck in my head..I kept day dreaming of her..to cuddle up with her, cuz I got this thing for really short asian girls, they're so cute, I gota admit.

    It's really lame..cuz she never liked me..well I thought she liked me cuz she used to touch me on the shoulders all the time..and I took it the wrong way..yeah..thinking about a girl that never liked me..still thinking about her..I'm really obsessed..:eek:hmy:..

    Everytime I bump into her or someone that looks like her from the distance..seriosly, I would get a panic attack. I would feel my heart racing in a matter of milliseconds, it really freaks me out..


    She stopped talking to me cuz of all the freaky stuff I did, :sad:, cuz of what happened between me and her, now I don't talk to girls anymore..really. I'm scared that I'll get attached, and start doing freaky things that I think is normal, and they would all avoid me.

    I got SA, but when it comes to girls, its a different story, its like SA *infinity..

    I wanna get her out of my head, but so far for 3 somewhat years it has not been very successful, I ended up thinking about how we used to talk (at school, ONLY), how warm and fuzzy I felt when I touched her hand in dance class (yeah..I'm such a stalker/creepy guy)..that was as close as I got to cuddling w/ her..

    I've posted this on few other sites..and all ppl said was to get over it, and move on..or be more occupied so she won't be on my mind..well..that's what I've trying to do for the last couple years..and it hasn't been successful..

    I don't want to end up in my 30s (if I get to live that long), and still obsessed..I don't want to feel like a total loser..

    any other suggestions?
  2. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    Maybe you could look her up and see what shes doing these days. Maybe she'll think its romantic. I don't see what you have to loose over it.
  3. Darker Than Black

    Darker Than Black Well-Known Member

    maybe..or probably she'll think that I'm A BIG FREAKY STALKER..(r u joking?)
  4. Mayal

    Mayal Well-Known Member

    Hi Darkerthan black

    I really don't think it would be a good idea to try and get in touch with her again, i can only speak for myself, but i think if i felt threatened or disturbed (rightly or wrongly on her part) by someone at school, and then three years later they were back within my circle with similar ideas it would only make me feel more negatively about them.

    I am sure if you had met her now you would probably, with three years life experience under you belt, behave differently, and she would probably deal with the situation in a different way, but thats just hindsight really.

    I am not going to say get over it, because if it were that easy you would already have done so, and i have no doubt of your very real emotions and feelings, but in terms of resolving this, i don't know, ideally, someone else will come along that will be more suited to you, more sensitive towards your needs, someone who will pique your interest. In the meantime, all i can suggest is that you keep talking about this and trying to work through it.

    I know it is not much help, but just thought that you might like to know that you are not being judged or alone in having these kind of thoughts, sometimes we just focus on the what if's because we don't feel like there are many how about's around at the time.

  5. Fern17

    Fern17 Well-Known Member

    I can relate. Here's a little anecdote for you--my own tale of obsession and how I got over it.

    I once fell in love with a guy I was dating, but I knew that to him it was just a casual thing. I was 19 at the time and knew that he was never going to fall in love with me. So I dumped him. Never told him how I felt.

    Years went by; I got married (to a wonderful man with whom I was truly in love) and had a baby...

    But this guy always had a special place in my heart, regardless. Then I ran into him one day--10 years or so, after I"d last seen him. All the feelings flooded back. We began an affair of sorts (though I was, by that time, in an open relationship with my husband--but he wasn't, with his wife). I became completely obsessed with this guy. Here I was, married to a wonderful man, and spent every waking moment consumed with an obsession over this previous boyfriend.

    His marriage ended; so did mine.

    He and I tried to make a go of things, but instead, he stood me up, showed disrespect, and it was like magically, I was able to see how he was SO NOT GOOD for me. I finally got over him.

    And I never looked back.

    My point here is that you can do it...I don't know how or when, and I know how frustrating it is to be obsessed over someone for a long time and not know how to get over them. I think sharing it with support groups like this, is good. But I also think therapy would be helpful.

    You're right about one thing--people saying, "Just get over it" is not remotely helpful.

    Oh, I just thought of something else someone once suggested to me when I was trying so hard to get over another obsession over someone (and it was kind of helpful sometimes...

    The idea is to allow yourself a certain amount of time to think and obsess about the person--say 20 minutes. Then you have to force yourself to think about something else for 5 minutes. Just 5 minutes. (Maybe think about something you'd really like to do with your life or think about something you are passionate about--besides that girl, lol--or think about a great friend or family member that means a lot to you...or your favourite movie...you get the picture.) And once you manage to do that successfully throughout a few days, then up it to 10 minutes, etc.

    It takes some conscious work and it's not easy--and you have to be kind to yourself, not hard on yourself. But it might be worth a shot.

    Let us know how you're doing.

  6. smk

    smk Well-Known Member

    i got over my first crush by confessing to her, she then told someone i knew at the time i was more or less undesirable (she used more abrasive language).
    another time i got over someone by sending her letters about how i felt but she never replied, it was great!
  7. Alexpt2

    Alexpt2 Well-Known Member

    I've had a few obsessions with girls in my day. Every time, I thought I had a good chance of being with them, but they ultimately ended up rejecting me, basically just telling me they werent interested in me romantically. I got over them by being mean and hurtfull to them and making them hate me, and thus, hating them in return. I know thats not a healthy way to get over someone, but it works for me.

    If you can make yourself hate her, then you won't want her anymore.
  8. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    No I'm just crap at social situations sometiems
    thats for being an ass about it!!!!