I don't mean I'm turning gay, I've decided I'm not going to bother trying to pursue any relationships in the future, they seem to be the reason I get stressed out so easily. And they're always the same. (before you continue reading you should probably know a few paragraphs down I basically switched this whole thread to a series of things that annoy me, and I made it to get it off my chest more than anything else, I don't expect anyone to read through all this rant) Like the one I'm in now for instance (we arn't going steady atm, but we've been dating alot and things have been going good til now), tomorrow we were supposed to go out for drinks and whatnot, i called off work, picked up the booze, the whole bit, well today she tells me she may not be able to come because she told her "friend" (a male friend) she would hang out with him before we made plans. Think she might have brought that up before she asked me to go out with her this Thursday, but whatever. So I'm talking to her on the phone and she says she probably can't come out because she has work early in the morning, so she's going to stay in alone all night and not drink. So I suggested she could come out and we could hold off on the drinks, so then she informed me she doesn't like to leave the house unless she's drinking (crock of shit right there, she drinks once every few weeks). So then she says for me to call her back in a couple mins, I do, no answer, I call back again 20 mins or so later figuring maybe she just missed my call the first time, again, no answer. So I figure it's obvious, same deal as usual, it goes good for a while, and soon as I start to get feelings for a girl she bails. Not once have I managed to find a faithful girl, I don't ask much in a relationship, and it pisses me off that the guys they usually cheat on me with are only interested in a couple holes of theirs they find appealing, whereas I actually have feelings for them. And even worse, the girls never realize that part. Another beef I have with relationships, if you can't tell from the rest of that post, I'm one obsessive piece of shit, I don't let on to it, but everytime a girl I'm with talks to a guy I stress about it bigtime, I always want to know what they're up to, it's pathetic really. And strange too, nothing else stresses me out, work, finances, family problems, problems with friends, none of that has any real impact on my mind whatsoever. When it comes right down to it I don't like people enough to be willing to spend any great amount of time with them, other than drinking buddies there's no one I really like to spend time with. On the plus side though, I don't have to act all nice anymore. I never act my usual shitty old self when I'm around girls I'm interested in, or almost anyone else for that matter, but girls especially. When I think about it, I'm not really attracted to the personalities of many of the women I get involved with, or the physical traits either, and sex is never at the top of my mind. So I've really got no idea how that even works out.:dry: But fuck all of that, now that I've got no one to impress I can go back to my old routine of getting drunk and high regularily, and I must say that feels pretty good. I'm also thinking I'm going to save up lots of money, buy myself a house in some rural area, and live there alone just getting drunk and stoned until I die. That's been a dream of mine for years, not having to deal with anyone, just living alone with my mind all night every night, that would be wicked. And incase you're wondering I'm not anti-social, my social life is pretty damned good, which doesn't make much sense, I'm like the complete opposite of an avoidant. Although I interact with people regularily, I really hate doing so. Fact of the matter is I'm pretty inconsiderate and whatnot. I shown my colors at a party not long ago and lost myself some friends too. I was drunk, smoked alot of weed, and did my share of cocaine, and ended up going on a rant, probably similar to this one. I puked on the floor, and when asked why, I apparently just lost it, and started telling everyone I didn't care that I was puking on the floor, it was my right and that their opinion didn't matter, and when asked to leave I told them I could basically do what I wanted and therefore would not leave. (I may have meant it all, but I do regret making such an ass of myself) But now that I'm back to thinking about it, I am really bummed out about the this situation with that lady friend of mine, I'm not even sure of the attarction here, she's dumb as a stick and slut to boot, but for some reason I feel really attracted to her, and I can't figure out why. (not just interest in a piece of ass either, although I know that's what you're thinking). Well that about does it. sorry if any of you actually read that.